Media Guardian: MacArthur’s return is plain sailing for B&Q

Ellen MacArthur’s triumphant return to the UK after becoming the fastest person to sail solo around the world was delayed overnight by a clause in her contract with sponsor B&Q that stipulated maximum publicity for her arrival in Falmouth.

Classy. But wait, there’s more:

Now MediaGuardian.co.uk has learned MacArthur has guaranteed a repeat performance on tonight’s TV news and tomorrow’s newspapers because her multimillion pound contract stipulated that must not return to Falmouth between the hours of 12midnight and 7am.

…

A spokeswoman for B&Q, speaking from Cornwall this morning, said the return times specified in the contract were not just about gaining massive daylight publicity for the Kingfisher-owned brands, but to allow the public to enjoy her return.

Aw, isn’t that nice? They don’t just want to shill you stuff but also for you to enjoy Ellen wasting a jeraboam of champagne to the maximum effect. They love us! They really love us.

UPDATE: Whining

UPDATE: Pointless

UPDATE: Moaning