Like the six new pledges he unveiled today, Tony’s stops on his “whistle-top” tour were short and devoid of meaning to the point of abstraction. Are we supposed to believe that meaningful dialogue has taken place between Tony and the electorate as opposed to some dumb stunt like Phil Collins playing both Live Aids?

If he was going to do it right he should have announced his pledge card on an Ian Botham-style sponsored walk or, more becoming with his image, a touring passion play.

There’s an idea. How about:

The First Station (Wandsworth): Tony falls the first time
Tony, the card you have been carrying is very heavy. You are becoming weak and almost ready to faint, and you fall down. Nobody seems to want to help you. The soldiers are interested in getting home, so they yell at you and try to get you up and moving again.

The Second Station (Kettering): Tony falls the second time
This is the second time you have fallen on the road. As the card grows heavier and heavier it becomes more difficult to get up. But you continue to struggle and try until you’re up and walking again. You don’t give up.

The Third Station (Warwick): Tony meets the women of Warwick
Tony, as you carry your card you see a group of women along the road. As you pass by you see they are sad. You stop to spend a moment with them, to offer them some encouragement. Although you are have been abandoned by your friends and are in pain, you stop and try to help them.

The Fourth Station (Leeds): Tony falls a third time
Tony, your journey has been long. You fall again, beneath your card. You know your journey is coming to an end. You struggle and struggle. You get up and keep going.

The Fifth Station (Shipley): Tony’s clothes are taken away
The soldiers notice you have something of value. They remove your cloak and throw dice for it. Your wounds are torn open once again. Some of the people in the crowd make fun of you. They tease you and challenge you to perform a miracle for them to see. They’re not aware that you’ll perform the greatest miracle of all!

The Sixth Station (Gateshead): The Resurrection
We adore You O’ Tony and we praise you … Because by Your Holy Card You have redeemed the World.

***

And of course it doesn’t take a genius tell you that these pledges are so broad as to mean nothing. The pledge card will have the six platitudes and the underlying factors that shore them up can then be bent, twisted and otherwise invented - much like the backtracking and wriggling over WMDs - until Tony can stand up and say he’s fulfilled each pledge.

You could end up living in a ditch, waiting five years to see a doctor and he’d still tell you you’re better off.

PS. This graphic is a photoshopper’s dream. Tim?

Posted on February 11th, 2005 at 3:33 pm

See also • New ID Cards Pledge • Another petition • Get up, stand up		• Permalink • Trackback • Subscribe • Print
• Filed under 2005 General Election, Blair, UK politics		•