Good evening everyone. I’m Jarndyce from the aforementioned Pseudo Magazine. I guess I’m like the guy who sits next to John Motson tonight. Think of me as Steve Claridge maybe. Please don’t think of me as Ron Atkinson.

Anyway, just popped in to direct you to this site. Anyone interested in when Folkestone will be declaring (4 a.m.), or when we might finally find out whether Oliver Letwin is going to lose his seat or not (3.30 a.m. apparently – bookies say odds-on to go Lib Dem) will find it a geek paradise. I also heard a whisper that Edinburgh South might shift away from Tony’s fold, though that would take a 7% swing away from Labour (3.00 a.m.).

Personally, as a former resident of the county, I’ll be looking out for the ‘Bastard Davis’ call in Haltemprice and Howden (3.30 a.m.). If that’s a bit late, surely you can manage Straw (1.00 a.m.)?

I’m sure our host tonight will be back soon with some exit polling. I’ll see you again later.