Chronicle of a Cock-up Foretold
Obviously, panics like that over Bird Flu sells papers and boost viewing figures which is why the media are currently in such a froth about it.
Personally, I think there is only one way to be if/when the pandemic finally arrives: a stoic, a realist, a fatalist. We can deduce, through the bitter experience of the many examples of incompetence and the cavalier attitude to human life displayed by our current masters, that, should Bird Flu mutate into a human-to-human strain, many people will die needlessly.
The early precedents aren’t good. It’s reported that the swan killed by HN51 in Scotland lay unattended for 16 hours after its presence was reported to DEFRA. So you can imagine the worst: inadequate plans will fall short, water and gas will be cut off (except to Government bunkers) as key workers fail to show up for work, the officious will stop food and supplies crossing quaratine checkpoints and so on.
One suspects that there is already a figure of acceptable losses, not – idiotically – recorded on a piece of paper that can later be leaked, but firmly lodged in the minds of those who will be first in the queue for Tamiflu. “Just think of them as a slice of the cake you dropped on the floor, old boy,” you can imagine some Sir Humphrey figure whispering to his minister. You’re an infantryman at the Somme and Tony Blair is Sir Douglas Haig.
With that in mind, why worry about it? Relax. There’s nothing you can do about Bird Flu and even less you can do to mitigate against the attitudes of contempt and fecklessness of Government ministers. Maybe put a few cases of bottled water in the attic along with the odd tin of beans. Maybe print off from the internet a way of making it quick and painless if it gets too much for your kids.
Talk of a Bird Flu bodycount is like the talk about a New Labour meltdown at the local elections. You suspect that it’s New Labour activists talking up the party getting a right hammering on May 4 so that it if turns out to be not that bad they can say it was a good result because everybody was expecting a meltdown.
So it’s the same with these stories of a “worst case scenario” of up to 320,000 people dying in the UK in a Bird Flu pandemic. If the final body count comes in under that number, New Labour can rebuff accusations of an incompetence that cost lives by saying: “Look, everybody was talking about 320,000 deaths. In the event only 200,000 died. It could have been much, much worse.”
Of course, the deaths of so many people will no doubt be put down to “more cock-up than conspiracy” in any subsequent soft-pedalled Today programme interview (forget about a public inquiry), which is the platitude of choice these days for Government ministers trying to explain away their serial stupidity – which surely must be the excuse if our leaders deny being calculating and mendacious. Try it the next time you make a mistake at work. If you still lose your job, try telling the employment tribunal. Failing that, appeal to your favourite cabinet minister. I’m sure they’ll empathise.
Posted on April 10th, 2006 at 11:30am under Comment is Free, Off Yoghurt, The coming apocalypse, UK politics
| Related posts... • Economic scapegoating • Martin Bright – A good month to bury bad news • Watch the watchers not watching |
• Permalink • Trackback • Subscribe |
|
|
|
• 10 Comments |
It’s reported that the swan killed by HN51 in Scotland
The virus is H5N1, not HN51. This is important because the swan was confirmed quite early on as having died from H5, but it was not confirmed that it was the potentially dangerous N1 variant.
I’ve been rather out of the news loop recently, so I don’t know if the N1 has been confirmed; I imagine that it has, as the tabloids would never, ever try to stir up panic by reporting something that has not been confirmed, would they?
DK
So is HN51 a misspelling then? A lot of news outlets are talking about both that and H5N1 and not differentiating. Are the N and the 5 being transposed or are we talking about two viruses? (virii?)
It’s very definitely H5N1. HN51 is a strain of journo dyslexia, a dreadfully debilitating disease. I’d always understood that there were a large variety of avian flu variants, of which H5N1 was the potentially fatal one.
I think it was Hugh Pennington who, flippantly but rather accurately, put forward the view that bird flu was only a problem if you drank swans blood. Personally I’m far too busy gorging myself on lark’s wings to bother with Chateau Swan ‘67.
Wikipedia to the rescue. Summary: the virus is the Influenza A virus, H5N1 is the subtype of that virus, named after the types of Haemagglutin and Neuraminidase antigens on the virus surface.
And on the plural question: finer minds than mine have considered this in mind-numbing depth.
A few quick thoughts…
I’m neck-deep in a new music video (of the non-political money-making variety) so please excuse me if I only poke my head up over at Backing Blair for the next few days. Here are some thoughts on current events to……
What did you think the dead swan was going to do in the intervening 16 hours for fucksake? Be resurrected and fly away? File a claim for political asylum?
The only incremental risk that delay presented was that someone might have chosen exactly that moment to rub their face in dead swan. And in that case I think they’re probably better off outside the gene pool.
Well there were reports of seagulls having a go at the carcass during that time.
I just thought, you know, a cautious, better safe than sorry approach might have been warranted.
dog sees dead swan, thinks “yum yum”. sticks face teeth and paws into body to soak up all that natural goodness. goes home licks snotty nosed kids, gets patted by mum and dad and craps on the football field where its mates love rolling in the grass. the virus, which can survive very nicely, ta, on bird feathers and in bird crap, gives dog fur and dog crap a try. dog later plays dead very convincingly.
[...] And this has been reported [...]