This was explained on the form in plain English. It is explicit in Sheffield tenancy agreements that pets are permitted except in some cases in high rise. The guy who told me about this said the replies came back in three distinct waves.

The first wave contained the straightforward replies: “We have a two cats and a canary”; “We have a Labrador”; etc. This wave died down.

After a pause, the second wave began: “When I responded to your questionnaire, I said I only had a canary, but in fact I have a cat as well. I’m sorry I lied. Please don’t take her away, as I am 93 and she is my only friend in the world”. Lots of stuff like this, and then the second wave died down.

And then the third wave: “I think you should know that Mrs Jones at number 45 has a budgie, and I’m guessing she didn’t declare it in your recent survey. I’m telling you this because I think it’s right to do so.” My friend said that after a couple of hundred of these he was ready to slit his wrists.

So yes, people will grass each other up for any reason you like, at any time.

Are there any poster/advertising campaigns down South? Along the lines of “Is your neighbour washing their car with a hosepipe? Do they wantonly water their Buzy Lizzies? Grass ‘em up on 0845 555 555″. If not the government/Water board is missing a trick.

Up here in the wet North we don’t have any water posters but along my road there are 3 “Grass a benefits cheat” hotline posters in 400 yards. The breed overnight, you see. Like the Vote New Labour posters…

Strangely, in my parents’ area of the North, which is well, bit posh, there are no “Grass a tax cheat” posters. Strange that…

Monocotyledons (with one seed leaf and parallel veined leaves) like grasses generally have very shallow root systems and therefore may require extra irrigation. (There is a lengthy explanatiom of this, to do with and the podsolization of soils in post Quaternary glaciation (in Europe anyway) etc., which Googling the appropriate words will help).

No sane person would follow the seagulls (except gypsies – to beat them to the tip) when they have the opportnity to support Rochdale who support the whole of the 4 Divisions at present.

You bring me news that the Brighton Blight is halted – I undersatnd they are to have a whizzy restaurant on a fancy tower – a sort of vertical pier their PR describes it.

All the best things happen in Sussex – shooting naked unarmed non drug dealers dead in bed at 2. am and this from the BBC this week
http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/uk_news/england/southern_counties/4901568.stm

As for the new stadium, everybody knows that every single resident of Sussex would rather have a stadium and lug their water back from a standpipe than have something sensible like a dammed valley. Why do you think it is that the first thing any arriviste prospective parliamentary candidate does upon arriving in the county is don a blue and white scarf and declare themselves lifelong Seagulls fans?

And anyway, thanks to the Deputy Prime Minister being a lamentable dunderpate, the new stadium has been, temporarily at least, called off.

No. Gardeners would say, “What a twat” … Clematis have an immense root system and should never ever need watering.

Ooop North . late in the 19th and early in the 20th century villages were simply flooded as dams were erected to provide water for the growing cities displacing textile works, colliers and other sturdy workers.

Might one suggest damming and flooding of the many suitable valleys of the Sussex downs .. or would that affect the estates of too many of the landed gentry ?

Perhaps better that the Labour led Brighton and Hove Council have a Footie stadium / Mall/ massive car park built on a Site of Outstanding Natural Beauty c/o the Office of the pompous, overweight, Prescottt, Deputy Prime Minister.