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In an exclusive, we have received a video from the mastermind behind the recent spate of parcel bombings across the country. Here is a transcript.

…

You, the British people, I talk to you today about the best way to avoid another catastrophe and about war, its reasons and its consequences.

Contrary to what Blair says and claims – that we hate freedom – let him tell us then, ‘Why did we not attack South West Trains?’

We fought with you because we are free, and we don’t put up with transgressions. We want to reclaim our nation. As you spoil our security, we will do so to you.

I wonder about you. Although we are ushering the fourth day after the DVLA, Blair is still exercising confusion and misleading you and not telling you the true reason. Therefore, the motivations are still there for what happened to be repeated.

And I will talk to you about the reason for those events, and I will be honest with you about the moments the decision was made so that you can ponder. And I tell you, Clarkson (praise be unto him) only knows, that we never had the intentions to destroy the speed cameras.

But after the injustice was so much and we saw transgressions and the coalition between Ken Livingstone and the Congestion Charge against our people in London, it occurred to my mind that we deal with the speed cameras. And these special events that directly and personally affected me go back to 1982 and what happened when a policeman gave me a ticket for doing 37 in a 30 zone. And assistance was given by the DVLA.

And as I was looking at those drivers that were fined in Britain, it occurred to me that we have to punish the transgressor with the same – and that we had to send fireworks to office workers so that they taste what we tasted, and they stop fining those who speed and park illegally.

Then, what happened was that Blair was impressed by the Congestion Charge and the collection regimes, and he was jealous of them, embezzling the public money without any accountability. And he moved the tyranny and suppression of freedom, and they called it the Road Charging Scheme, under the disguise of fighting motorists. And Blair, the father, found it good to install his cameras as governors.

We agreed with the poster of the parcels, to display a spectacular lack of perspective. And we never knew that the Prime Minister would leave thousands of office workers to face those events by themselves when they were in the most urgent need of their leader.

He was more interested in meeting Shilpa from Big Brother than worrying about what was happening in the DVLA post room.

Your security is not in the hands of Blair or Congestion Charges or firework-posting inadequates. Your security is in your own hands. Anybody that allows us to drive as fast as we like and park where we want will not be attacked.

(First published in this week’s edition of The Friday Thing.)