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Well, it’s half time in the Iraq vs the Rest Of The World football match. For those just joining us you’ve missed some amazing action in the last four years, and although the score remains unclear at this stage both sides still have all to play for.

Eyebrows were raised early in the game over the sacking of Iraqi manager Saddam Hussein while play was ongoing. In amazing scenes, the team saw a succession of managers come and go as the match failed to go in Iraq’s favour. Garner, Bremer and Allawi were all found wanting and dismissed. Current manager Nouri al-Maliki reluctantly took up the reigns and has expressed his intention to leave the job after the game.

Our experts in the studio expressed surprise at the Rest Of The World team only fielding eight players, the thinking clearly being that an understrength side would easily beat an apparently demoralised Iraqi eleven. A big mistake which saw several own goals scored early doors. The mix of the away team is also strange. European talent is clearly lacking and the underperforming British players look certain to be substituted in the second half. Some players have also complained that their kit isn’t up to scratch with cheap boots, missing shin pads and no team physio for those players taking knocks.

Questions have also been asked about the refereeing of the match with both sides ignoring reffing decisions. Match referee Annan was controversially replaced just before half time by Ban Ki-Moon who has so far failed to stamp his authority on the game.

The Iraqi’s substitutions during the first half have seen an influx of foreign talent using some dubious tactics. The strategy by some of the Iraqi players of involving the crowd was unorthodox but worked in turning the fans against the Rest Of The World team. Offers from the Rest Of The World coaching squad to train some of the Iraqi players has been met with some scepticism. It’s widely doubted that the money is available for the grooming of new talent and whether inexperienced players will be able to make an impact.

Late in the half, Rest Of The World brought on several more attacking players in an attempt to put the game beyond the Iraqis’ reach. The home team’s attacking players responded by largely melting away but their defence is still looking pretty solid.

News just coming in says the chairman of the Rest Of The World, dissatisfied with his team’s performance, might declare them the winner at some point in the second half and take his ball home.

And with the whistle being blown for the second half, it’s back to our commentators to tell us how the game’s going – Tony and
George.

(First published in this week’s edition of The Friday Thing. Go and subscribe, it’s really good.)