Come friendly bombs
And the decline of our once proud civilization runs on apace.
Amidst the tide of tabloid filth and emotional incontinence over the disappearance of Madeleine McCann, the fires that threaten to devastate our culture are getting out of control.
Take national shame and disgrace John Prescott’s grotesque, contemptuous and contemptible display standing in at Prime Minister’s Questions today. A shaved chimp would have displayed more dignity. Its makes one wish that, rather than a well-fed and idle old age in the House of Lords and a blind eye turned to his sausage-fingered sexual harassment, Prescott might be rewarded by being pushed very slowly into a bacon slicer. Democracy? You can fucking stick it. That we’ve let that fat turd stink out our politics for so long should make mortified flagellants of us all.
Tony Blair and Bertie Ahern, marking the resumption against all the odds of devolved government in Northern Ireland, thought having a podcast was the way to celebrate. Chaired by ‘wacky TV star’ and all round cultural pustule - the host of ‘Celebrity Love Island’ no less - Patrick Kielty. Patrick sodding Kielty. Presumably Chris Moyles was busy. Under my glorious and merciful rule bacon slicer manufacturers would be prized even more than emotional placebos, tabloid editors and buy-to-let landlords are now.
Don’t get me started on the fact that they’re remaking ‘The Long Good Friday’. By setting it in Miami and letting cinematic barbarian Paul. W. S. Anderson direct. Tower snipers have had less provocation.
Update: Listen to Prescott’s arsewitted gobshitery here and reflect that, for the last ten years, this oafish mediocrity has been an espresso away from being prime minister.
Posted on May 16th, 2007 at 1:28 pm
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a yank remake of The Long Good Friday? Is nothing sacred? They’re systematically reuining all of my favourite films. First they came for the ladykillers, then they destroyed school for scoundrels and now this. It’s enough to make a guy support al qaeda.
They’re remaking ‘Mona Lisa’ and ‘Time Bandits’ as well. Dammit.
We should get our revenge - remake Star Wars but set it in a VD clinic in Bognor. With Vernon Kay as Han Solo.
How about remaking Chinatown but setting it in Somerset with that gurning waste of skin Justin Lee Collins in Nicholson’s role? I can see it now: “Forget it Jake … this is Nempnett Thrubwell” … mind you the actual incidence of incest in the region would rather lessen the shock of the central plot device.
You know, Paddy Kielty got an honorary degree from Queen’s University in Belfast at the same time as Karlheinz Stockhausen. I’d love to have been in the green room for that one.
(The new climate of rapprochement means I find myself unable to suggest that the UFF got the wrong Kielty.)
http://www.theonion.com/content/node/30112
We shold remake United 93, set on bicycles in the lake distict. Forty terrified holidaymakers manage to thwart a marauding Dick Cheney and stop his personal quest to kill and eat every kitten in the UK.
Please tell me you’re joking about Time Bandits? This is the worst news ever.
I’m afraid not, AP. God, I wish I was.