If only
A few years back I got some spam email from a bloke saying he was from the future, his time machine was broken, and he needed funds to repair it. Does anyone know what happened to him?
This reminded me of him, and I wondered if he was still around:
The world’s most fearsome carnivore, Tyrannosaurus Rex, would have been able to chase down David Beckham, according to research.
Just asking, that’s all.
Still, it gives us the opportunity to imagine other useful comparisons.
‘Pterodactyls would have been able to beat Richard Littlejohn at Scrabble, according to research.’
‘Mammoths evolved into Chris Moyles, say scientists.’
‘Velociraptors had the morals of Rupert Murdoch, according to a new study.’
Update: And here it is! The race of this, and any other, century*.
*David Beckham was a non-starter.
Posted on August 22nd, 2007 at 9:40 am
| See also • Future imperfect: dark times lie ahead • Here we go again… • Chris Lightfoot |
Permalink • Trackback • Subscribe By Email • Print This Post • • • |
|
Filed under Science and progress |
File under: the trivialisation of science reporting. No wonder Richard Dawkins is so cross.
The world’s most fearsome carnivore, Tyrannosaurus Rex, would have been able to chase down David Beckham, according to research.
Well, given Beckham’s current injuries, a sloth could probably give him a head strart and still get to eat him. Besides, since when was Beckham the fastest player in England?
“Brontosauraus’ IQ more than a match for Big Brother contestants,” scientists confirm.
The only thing missing from the video is David Coleman’s commentary…
Erm, who cares? Also, is this supposed to be a comment on the speed of a T.Rex or the sloth of footballers? Are they known to be particularly fast?
Who cares? WHO CARES? Katherine, we’re talking about the biggest scientific discovery since we were told moss can outthink Natasha Kaplinsky. Where’s your sense of frontier romance?
Sorry Justin, clearly I’d underestimated the effect that the combination of dinosaurs and footballers could have on the male romantic psyche. If the story had included Natasha Kaplinsky and 1970’s supercars, clearly heads could have exploded.
Well, I suppose they could have used Dame Kelly Holmes for comparison, but she’s not a sprinter. And Thierry ‘va-va-voom’ Henry is French and playing for Barcelona, so it has to be Becks for the parochial celeb angle.
If you catch an owl, you get to keep his gold, say scientists.
Oh come on… considering how much the average man on the street knows about sports vs how much they know about natural history, comparing a T. rex against an athlete adds the sort of perspective that makes this interesting to the ordinary Joe. How many people would bother reading about this significant research on dinosaur locomotion if the article said that “T.Rex runs at X miles per hour”?
Yeah, but. It’s what they’re *not* telling us that worries me. You, know the stuff ‘ordinary Joe’ is really interested in.
Like, just how *rich* was T. Rex? Or how *stupid* and *vulgar* was his wife? And how far can scientists patronise ‘ordinary Joe’ before he storms their laboratories and beats them senseless for being condescending twats?
Or how *stupid* and *vulgar* was his wife?
Who could you possibly have in mind?
Mrs T Rex. Obviously.
Yeah, well she managed drive a Mini into a tree so she must’ve been pretty fucking stupid.
Ooh, hark at 1977 satire boy! Pathetic.