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…is a Charlie Brooker Pez dispenser:

[L]ike many people I find the notion of an instant slimming pill pretty tempting. My physique’s wired up all wrong. Even if I sit indoors eating deep-fried cake for a month, my arms and legs stay skinny, while my neck and face swell up like wet dough. And my head’s too big for my body anyway. In fact, I’m built like a novelty Pez dispenser. A disappointing one. The last one left in the shop, after all the Donald Ducks and Popeyes and even Geoff Hoons have gone.

I’d quite like a Geoff Hoon one as well, if truth be told. Not to eat sweets from, obviously. One could weight it down and place it in the toilet bowl as an encouragement for when one is eggbound. Store Valium in it for the next time a cabinet minister is being interviewed on the television or radio. Use it to frighten an unruly child, perhaps. The possibilities are endless.