BREAKING NEWS: Blair anointed Left Footer
It’s official: Tony Blair has converted to Catholicism in time for Christmas. It’s a timely move - I took my Mum to midnight mass last year and we all got a bar of chocolate at the end. I’m sure Tony with his love for a freebie had that in mind.
Apparently Blair, when giving his first confession as a Catholic, took with him a crib sheet of his sins to help him remember them. It took six Hercules military transport planes to deliver it.
And you have to say that the Catholic Church is taking a big risk in welcoming Blair into the faith. Look what happened to the last organisation having Blair as a prominent member - there was a stampede for the door.
As collection plate donations dry up at grass root level, will the Vatican be forced to turn to shady practices in order to shore up its finances? I’m sure Tony could suggest some candidates for the job now that Paul Marcinkus has joined the Choir Invisible.
‘You can’t run the Church on Hail Marys,’ as the late Archbishop said. Who’d pay for all the chocolate?
Posted on December 22nd, 2007 at 12:17 pm
| See also • Tony Blair knew my father, Father knew Tony Blair • That’ll be ten Hail Marys please, Ms. Kelly. • Back (door) to Basics |
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Filed under Blair, Theology |
You must be very proud, Justin… who’d be a Catholic this morning?
Aye, it’s an ill wind. As if us Catholics weren’t self-loathing enough already.
Blair converts to Catholicism, eh? Seeking succour for his sins, I bet. Well, matey, there`s no forgiveness for yours, not in this life!
This news will become the source of a million Bill Hickesque jokes…
Adult converts are always the worst. They have to make up for a lost lifetime of bigotry and incense inhalation, invariably by singing louder than anyone else.
Can we get odds on him becoming a deacon?
Galileo was not formally exonerated by the Church until 1992 for publishing his heretical belief that the earth went round the sun:
http://findarticles.com/p/articles/mi_gx5229/is_2003/ai_n19153191
Does this mean that until 1992 the sun went round the earth?
If I were God I’d be extremely fucked off by this.
Believe me, I am a most wrathful and vengeful God, and am more than a little unhappy at the thought of that contemptible little shit trying to buy his way into MY heaven.
I must say, it’s all come as a bit of a shock. Next thing you know, they’ll be telling us that bears shit in the woods.
Well done, Mr. Blair! Perhaps we can attend a Mass together. I must consult my appointment book to see when I’m out next. Or do you think you’ll be joining me? Those “legality” zealots are such a bore!