When I’m Prime Minister #1
My administration will hit the ground running…
Day 1: If you vote for a political party because a dead soap opera character told you to, you will lose your vote. And your prefrontal cortex.
My administration will hit the ground running…
Day 1: If you vote for a political party because a dead soap opera character told you to, you will lose your vote. And your prefrontal cortex.
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Blogger Guido Fawkes was sentenced to a three month curfew order this afternoon after being convicted of driving while over the legal alcohol limit and without insurance.
Appearing at Tower Bridge Magistrates Court the blogger, real name Paul Staines, was told the curfew would operate between the hours of 9pm and 6am. Staines, 41, will also have to wear an electronic tag.
The judge also handed down an 18-month supervision order and a three year driving ban. Staines will be required to retake his driving test when the driving ban has elapsed. He was also ordered to pay the prosecution’s £60 costs.
(Additional reporting by Tim Ireland)
Tags: disintermediation
Update 16/5: Our court reporter Tim Ireland adds further details.
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Bollocks to the lot of it. If the blogosphere was a pub you’d be looking for another one less stuffed with wankers.
Back in a bit.
| See also • The Chicken Yoghurt Stop Fortnight • Back • Sore winners |
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Here we go. Yet another generous dollop of ‘masochism strategy‘:
Prime Minister Gordon Brown is set to reassure the Labour Party he can lead them to victory despite disastrous results at local elections.
…
Mr Brown is giving media interviews on Sunday as newspapers speculate about various plans to oust him.
I don’t know about you but watching this defeated and defeated-looking, hang-dog, humiliated and hunched, inspiration-free ivory tower-dwelling fool beg for his job is not the way to spend a fresh Sunday morning.
The Prime Minister will once again be insisting that denial is a river in Africa. You get the feeling that he will be closing his interviews with ‘They couldn’t hit an elephant at this dist…’ (It’s certainly something they should consider carving on New Labour’s tombstone.)
It’ll be a miserable, miserable, miserable spectacle, demeaning to all. Platitudes are not a breakfast cereal. Go and find something far more wholesome and nourishing. We’re off car-booting to bring home more crap we don’t need to fill space we don’t have. A bit like New Labour law makers.
| See also • The tears of a Brown • I’m an idiot, you’re an idiot • Somebody pinch me |
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| See also • links for 2008-05-03 • links for 2008-04-17 • Lose yourself in London |
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And so it came to pass. A city of grown men and women elected their leader for a laugh. That, in a big way makes them far worse than the deluded souls who voted for George Bush all those years ago.
And like a zombie virus, how do we stop this contagion spreading to the rest of the country? London must be sealed off. Cauterized. Let us thank God that the supply of novelty, racist lightweights is short or we’d all be up to our neck in them, trapped in our homes as they lurch about outside craving our flesh.
If there is a way for these comedy voters to suffer for their levity without those who didn’t vote for Johnson* suffering too, now is the time to start looking for it. They chose their mayor for a laugh.
It’s hard to see the silver lining in these moments. There is a small one. All the hassle and slog of putting on what is almost certain to be a shitty Olympics now transfers to Johnson. May he live in interesting times.
Let’s hope the legion of special advisers who are going to be doing all the heavy lifting of his administration are something really bloody special. The omens ain’t good.
*Let’s have no more of this ‘Boris’ shit. London’s about to find out just how cuddly he is.
| See also • Dawn of the dickhead • Carrying a torch for propaganda • God help us |
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So, anybody want to play Fix The Labour Party? What should they do to avoid a thrashing at the general election? I’ll start with:
Rubbish or what? Any more?
Blimey. Will Howells has an unforgettable commute…
| See also • The Longest Day • Webjunk: PocketMod • Twitter daily digest for 2008-03-04 |
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Gordon Brown in 2000:
Some people might think Ken Livingstone is funny, but saddling London with him for four years is no laughing matter.
And so the irony of the 2008 model Brown having everything crossed that Livingstone might help save his arse is a delicious one. I hope Gordon’s gagging on it. If I was him, I’d start drinking now and not stop until the snooker’s finished.
It was also a delight to hear the now rusting Blair Babes desperately scrabbling around for a silver lining on the radio this morning. Both Harriet Harman and Hazel Blears, spewing smoke and misfiring as they wobble and parp slowly towards the scrapyard, claimed that last night’s Tory successes would mean that the opposition’s policies and positions would now come under greater scrutiny in the run up to the next general election.
Oh, yeah? Like they did in 1997? Back then policies counted for almost nothing so why should they now? You could have pretty much, as they say, put a dog in suit and the voters would have put a tick in his box just to see off the Tories. That voters are now starting to look to an empty suit like Cameron should tell us just how bad things are 11 years later.
| See also • Down down deeper and Brown • Nearly time to buy that ticket to New Zealand? • Vote Blears |
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Politically, then, Gordon was wise to stop the pay rise, because the general British attitude to offenders is as brutal and vindictive as it is pig-headed and self-defeating. If a study were published tomorrow establishing beyond the tiniest doubt that awarding the extra £1.50 would reduce reoffending rates by 60 per cent, and save an annual £6bn for an outlay of £6m, the phone-ins and blogs would still resound to that ritual hunting cry of political correctness gone mad, from representatives of the vast majority of voters who favour the reintroduction of capital punishment, however incontrovertibly proven its worthlessness as a deterrent may be.
If this abject waste of water and carbon wins today I, and many like me, will never ever stop taking the piss.
(Video via Mike)
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| See also • links for 2008-05-01 • Geese and the sauce of freedom of speech • links for 2008-05-07 |
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You have to say that Gordon’s a trier. The day before polling in the local and London mayoral elections and he’s spraying treats around for everybody.
It was a Blairite tactic to try and be all things to all people and, while it was all too transparent for those who could be bothered to look, there was at least a veneer of arrogant calm about it. Brown, while using the same methods, comes across as having an air of sweaty desperation.
| See also • Dirty deeds done desperately • Stuck in the middle with you • Depends what you mean by ‘lethal’ |
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