Everybody needs a bosom for a pillow. But when it comes to the issue of breast enlargement, I’m in accord with the venerable Brooker:

Now, speaking on behalf of all heterosexual males for a moment, no man worth his salt gives a sailor’s tug how big a lady’s chest is. We could get aroused simply glancing at a crude charcoal sketch of a single boob scrawled on the side of a shed. Place an actual, live pair of boobs in our immediate proximity and you’ve already fulfilled our every waking dream. Who cares how many atoms they’re made out of? THEY’RE BOOBS, FOR CHRIST’S SAKE! CAN’T YOU GRASP THE SIMPLE SOARING MAJESTY OF THAT?

That said, however, I find myself indecently obsessed by government ministers making bigger and bigger tits of themselves.

Take Cabinet Office minister Ed Miliband and his criminally under-reported utterances in late November last year:

It’s easy for people to be contemptuous of the notion of coaches and training; I think ministers are probably undertrained. There’s a lot more we could do.

Some sort of training bra is in order for the Milibands, obviously. (There are a lovely pair of them after all.) That being the case, it clearly hasn’t occured to Miliband minor that maybe he should have been banging on about this, before he took a cabinet post. Surely he, and others like him, if they are in politics for the good of the country and not for personal ambition, have a duty to take a step back.

When asked to take ministerial office, why not say: ‘Sorry, Prime Minister, but I’m singularly unqualified for this job. Just think of the damage I could cause. How about I go away for a bit and come back a little more prepared?’

Look at this nork, for instance:

Another former minister added: “It’s basically hopeless. I was appointed before the weekend and was making big spending decisions on the Monday. I was offered a three-day course - about two months in - but it was political, not managerial.

The 2007-08 budget for the NHS, for example and as laid out in last year’s budget, is £104 billion. Basically, under the terrifying system to which government ministers willingly submit themselves, you could get any reasonably intelligent, articulate and informed person to do the job of doling out the cash.

What separates the rest of us from this anonymous bazonga (and I wonder if he or she preferred anonymity because they still harbour ambitions) seems to be an additional degree of gumption and, I fear, sociopathy. That and being a massive jubbly.

Posted on January 4th, 2008 at 11:20 am

See also • Ed Miliband: regrets, he’s had a few… • Marina Hyde: The war on obesity must be won round the cabinet table • Watch the watchers not watching		• Permalink • Trackback • Subscribe • Print
• Filed under UK politics		•