Obviously I lack the mental capacity for high politics. That’s why I’m typing this in my pants and Gordon Brown gets to shake hands with dictators.

So, could somebody please explain to me the logic of this reply from Gordon Brown at Prime Minister’s Questions this week:

Mr. Wallace: Why do the people of Wales have a full-time Secretary of State, while our armed forces and the Scots must make do with a part-timer?

The Prime Minister: The new Secretary of State for Wales has responsibilities in addition to his responsibilities for Wales. He is overseeing the British-Irish Council, he is responsible for the joint ministerial committees on devolution, he is the Minister responsible for digital inclusion, and he is responsible for data security and information assurance. Those responsibilities are in addition to his responsibilities as Secretary of State for Wales.

Now, to my un-Machiavellian mind, the point Mr Wallace ((Lancaster and Wyre, Con) is making is that Scotland and the armed forces are getting a bum deal by having a part-time secretary of state. The Prime Minister parries by saying, by my reading, that actually your question is wrong clever-clogs, Wales are also getting a bum deal because they have a part time secretary of state as well. Nyah, nyah, nyah-nyah, nyah.

Now, why would Gordon Brown regard that as game, set and match to him? It’s trivial I suppose, it’s just I’m jealous that I’m incapable of such mental gymnastics. A man can clearly go places with those kinds of abilities. It’s bordering on a super-power. At the very least, when he retires, Gordon Brown should write batshit science fiction novels like Philip K Dick.