Oh, what a heady whirl it is to be European Commissioner for Trade for Peter Mandelson! Bono, Bill, Gordon and Miliband major. Mwah, mwah. Peter could have danced all night. And still have begged for more. His favourite restaurant? L’Idiot du Village.

If he was honest, I bet Peter wishes he’d been born into the court of Louis XIV. The intrigue, the romance, the unbelievable balls. Then he could have worn a real powdered wig, a dab of rouge and one of those little beauty spots on his cheek. Instead of the metaphorical versions.