We know New Labour and dignity parted company some time ago, but they will insist in continuing to poo on the reputation of politics in this country. Here’s Former Home Secretary and serial resigner David Blunkett using his ’skills’ to their full potential. That is, whoring them to a fifth-rate television channel:

In what is billed by Five as a “bold social experiment”, Banged Up will see Blunkett head up the “parole board” of a “prison” that mixes reformed offenders with young people on the cusp of a life of crime.

Just what makes Five think Blunkett’s an expert on prisons is anybody’s guess. Former Chief Inspector of Prisons, Sir David Ramsbotham described Blunkett as ‘not fit’ to be in charge of Britain’s prisons. I wonder if Blunkett will become hysterical and order his televisual charges to be machine-gunned if they fail to do his bidding.

He talks of the programme ‘creating a grasp of reality’ which is at least in keeping with the New Labour ethos of fabricating truth. I wonder if we’ll see the true reality of British prisons: racist and Asian prisoners mixed together, two suicides a week, and 70 per cent of Blunkett’s lags being mentally ill. And for added realism, in the second series, 75 percent of the ‘young people on the cusp of a life of crime’ will be invited back.

Anyway, never mind that. How about a sequel called Knocked Up where Blunkett impregnates married socialites? The possibilities are endless. Cocked Up with Blunkett trying to apply for a job when his Criminal Record Bureau check wrongly brands him a nonce.

Made Up where Blunkett examines the Blair government’s case for war in Iraq. Blown Up where Blunkett has to help clear unexploded British cluster bomblets from an Afghan village.

How about some ideas in keeping with Blunkett’s level of dignity? Pissed Up where each week Blunkett and a celebrity see who can wee the highest up a wall. Or Zipped Up where Blunkett has to use a public urinal while wearing boxing gloves.

Then there’s Dried Up where Blunkett ponders where his credibility went. And Time’s Up where Blunkett puts us all out of his misery and retires.

(Thanks to Derrick for the link.)

Update: Then there’s Softened Up where Blunkett is kidnapped, flown to Syria and then water-boarded. And Ripped Up where he examines what ten years of New Labour has done to 800 years of civil liberties.