A thought struck me when reading about the latest crackdown in Tibet that we’re going to turn a blind eye to so as not to spoil the running and jumping about in Beijing this summer.

The monks from the Sera monastery were surrounded by more than 1,000 armed police who fired tear gas into the crowd and used electric prods to disperse the protesters.

If Tibet were permitted to enter a team this year they’d clean up. You’ve never seen anyone do the 100 metre dash like a Tibetan monk with a Chinese riot cop after him.

We should borrow the tactics. Chase Dwayne Chambers with an electric prod. That’ll make the bugger run. Every time our hockey team miss the goal, tear gas them. That’ll focus minds. Drag our gymnasts about by their arms. They’ll be extra limber. That way, we might even win a medal or two.

I know it sounds harsh, but we must tolerate all manner of abuses to make sure this year’s Olympics goes off without a hitch. Running and jumping and our national honour demand it.