All those plucky souls running with the Olympic torch today speak with one voice:

The controversial “message” to torchbearers was drawn up by Freud Communications, which represents the London Olympic organisers.

In an email seen by The Mail on Sunday, Freud Communications’ Pippa Rodger wrote: “As discussed, please find below the official statement that torchbearers can use should they receive any interview or media requests on the day.

For an added two degrees of separation bonus, the head of Freud Communications is Matthew Freud who is married to Elizabeth Murdoch whose father Rupert has considerable business interests in China. Nothing like keeping it in the family.

Meanwhile, the celebrity automatons run, only following orders. That well-known sportswoman Denise Van Outen is apparently doing it at the request of a famous soft-drinks company. Kneeling before the Chinese regime and Coca-Cola? Blimey, her soul is going to be in tatters by the end of the day. It’s a shame Fred West is dead as a man of his talents carrying the torch would have fitted right in with the ethos of Chinese political vales.

Gordon Brown is due to welcome the torch to 10 Downing Street. An odd concept to be sure, inviting an inanimate object to your home. It remains to be seen whether the rather more animated Dalai Lama will be afforded the same courtesy, or if Gordon decides to meet him on neutral and less politically honest territory.

As for me and mine, we won’t be watching a bunch of bread and circus artists trotting about in subservience to a gang of liars and killers. There are better things to do. Ooh look, it’s snowing! And is it wrong to feel conflicted about Charlton Heston being dead?