Battenberg Martyrs, hear my call!
The socialist Nazi haters of liberty and freedom at the Food Standard Agency have declared war on food additives and one of Britain’s bright-blazing beacons:
Most of the foods affected, the agency assured us, could easily be made without the offending additives; most, note, but not all. Heading the list of foodstuffs at risk of going down with the colouring-laden ship was - you guessed it - good old Captain Battenberg.
This will not stand. As a child it was my fervent wish to, as a grown up, eat this delicacy every day. A lofty ambition, I’m sure you’ll agree, but one crushed by the vagaries of the thin, pale pseudo-reality that is adult life. Damn you, pancreas.
This will not stand. Where is Gordon Brown now with his flag waving and his ‘British jobs for British workers’? What about British cakes for British porkers? The man’s a traitor.
Speaking of which. The nannying Nazi’s at ths FSA should be marched to the Tower and their heads be put on spikes for the sport of crows. Along with anyone else declaring they do not care for our sweet, sweet heritage. Forget citizenship tests. Anyone who can’t cram down half a bar of Battenberg with a mug of sugary tea should be deported immediately. And that includes UK citizens.
It’s time to draw a line in the marzipan. Here and no further. I’m laying in stocks of Battenberg for when the inevitable shortages and desperate conflict come. Fifty-gallon drums of pink food colouring are now stored at a secret laboratory where production will continue when the final battle is over.
We will be the Battenberg Martyrs. Rally to my banner. They can have our cake when they pry it from our cold, dead, chubby hands. ‘Bergers unite! You have nothing to lose but your teeth!
Posted on April 12th, 2008 at 9:59 am
| See also • The Guardian: Visa bar on singles is illegal, says watchdog • Get the point • More good news from Iraq. |
Permalink • Trackback • Subscribe By Email • Print This Post • • • |
|
Filed under The coming apocalypse |
Didn’t Battenberg cake come from Germany? Which makes it a lot like the Royal family.
Indeed, despite being Greek the present Duke of Edinburgh is a Battenberg on his mother’s side, and his personal coat of arms shows three flapjacks rampant on a yellow and pink quartered background, with marzipan gules.
Philip’s last blog post..Coalition Phish
I’ve had to have a word with you about this before. This filth is not food. If you want to dye all your organs neon pink stuffing yourself with this abomination, then I will defend to the death your right to do so - so long as you do it in razor-wire cages in special sealed camps, so that the rest of us can be properly protected from it and you.
Larry Teabag’s last blog post..Now he is old and grey
Get the hence, Teabag. I wouldn’t expect a man of your meagre stock to appreciate the finer things in life.
Hear, hear! The shade of my granny will fall upon them, and force her porcelain three-tier cake-stand up their hog’s eyes!
Mark McCubbin’s last blog post..How my heart swelled with pride…
I used to love me some battenburg but it is true it is hard to find it made with real food and not chemical food like substances. *Jerusalem playing in background* So I applaud your activism but can we call for the return of the real battenburg, real marzipan, real apricot jam and real ingredients for the sponge, edible ones that don’t slowly kill you and I will not cease from mental fight, nor shall my cake slice sleep in my hand, till we have built real battenburgs. In England’s (& Wales & Scotland’s) green and pleasant Land!
Albion shall be free of chemical colourings & hydrogenated fats!
(even though it is a German import, rather it than those inbred baldy jug eared freaks).
RickB’s last blog post..Q2N: Outright Lying War Pimps
At the risk of over abusing the Facebook system, I’ve set up a Facebook group at
http://www.facebook.com/group.php?gid=22964104768
Sign up there, but tell us here you’ve done it! Cheers
Parky
Facebook is UnBritish, Parky. Give it up, man!
@justin - i try, i try. but it keeps. pulling. me. baaaaaack… evil FB is evil