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I’ve never been to me. Until now…

A pox upon Mat for this.

What I was doing ten years ago:
Staring in blank futility at a computer screen, whoring myself to bastards. No, sorry, that was this morning. Hang on, it was ten years ago as well. Yes.

Five things on my To-Do list today:
- See a penny and pick it up
- Boil my pants
- Finally make sexy chit chat with that lollipop lady
- Finish the application to MI6
- Find out where that smell’s coming from

Things I would do if I were a billionaire:
Tesco have got buy one get one free packets of custard creams.

Three of my bad habits:
- Grocery shopping in only a cock-sock
- Jumping out of people’s wardrobes dressed as the devil
- [THIS ENTRY REMOVED BY COURT ORDER]

Five places I’ve lived:
- My mummy’s tummy
- In a state of denial
- I’ve spent a year living Staines
- I’ve spent 37 years living in stains
- In that cold, dark, empty space inside all of us

Five jobs I’ve had:
- Painting Christopher Hitchen’s kitchen
- Unblocking Saddam Hussein’s drains
- Serving Robert Mugabe’s wasabi
- Babysitting Hu Jintao’s huge twin cows
- John Prescott’s proctologist

Five books I’ve recently read:
- So You’ve Decided To Form Your Own Death Squad
- The Toilet Cistern Vodka Handbook
- It’s Not Your Fault: Blaming Others For Everything
- The Anal Trauma Pop-Up Book
- Don’t Let The Pigeon Drive The Bus

Five people or communities I’m going to tag:
- Mahmoud Ahmadinejad
- Peter Rabbit
- The Muslim Community
- The 1966 World Cup winning side
- Jesus


Posted on April 28th, 2008 at 10:55am under Pooterism

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• 3 Comments

3 Comments

  1. MatGB (12 comments.) on 28.04.2008 at 12:05 Permalink | Reply

    Heh, odds of the Pres actually picking up on your tab?

    And no, I don’t get why the last question is “person or community”, on Livejournal a community is an open-access group blog, but even then you can’t tag it, you need someone to do it. Sillyness. G’luck with MI6, that’ll stop you blogging though, right?

    MatGB’s latest blog post… What I’ve been up to by Text today

  2. Justin on 28.04.2008 at 12:10 Permalink | Reply

    G’luck with MI6, that’ll stop you blogging though, right?

    Nah, it’ll be great. I’ll liveblog my first bare-handed strangulation.

  3. Philip (248 comments.) on 28.04.2008 at 22:58 Permalink | Reply

    I never been to me

    That’s what you get for living in Brighton.

    Philip’s latest blog post… All Cuffed Up

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