British intelligence
A further batch of secret government files have been found on a train, it was reported tonight.
The Independent on Sunday newspaper said that the papers, which were handed in to it, covered the UK’s policies on fighting global terrorist funding, drugs trafficking and money laundering.
Do they not teach them this kind of stuff in spy school? It should be day one: ‘If you ever find yourself carrying a sensitive top secret document in public, do try not to leave it on public transport’. I’m sure the training manuals are being re-written as I type.
Surely this should signal a change in tactics for Al Qaeda. Now, each member of every terrorist cell in Britain will be issued with a railway season ticket and told to keep an eye out for chinless wonders on trains leaving folders lying around.
The way the people paid to protect us are pratting about we’ll all have a picture of Osama bin Laden on our walls by Thursday tea-time. Still, it’ll make for a great plot for the next James Bond film but one…
INTERIOR, DAY TIME, M’S OFFICE.
M sits behind her desk. Bond enters.
M: Ah, come in Bond. We have 24 hours before Blofeld’s satellite made of diamonds obliterates London. Turn over the satellite’s blueprints you recovered to Q so he can complete our counter-measures.
Bond pats his pockets, turns pale and dashes for the door
Bond: Moneypenny! Get me a cab to Waterloo Station!
INTERIOR, NIGHT TIME, BOND’S APARTMENT.
Bond sits at his laptop replying to an email. He talks to himself as he types.
Bond: Dear… Mr…. Limpopo… I would… be happy… to help you retrieve… the $2,000,000 from… your Nigerian bank account… My bank and… credit card… details… are…
From now on, anyone leaving TOP BLOODY SECRET DOCUMENTS on trains should be made to smuggle them from home to office rectally as is traditional for transporting items one doesn’t wish to fall into enemy hands. Waddling about with a thick manilla folder wedged up their fundaments should help to focus minds.
Posted on June 14th, 2008 at 9:26 pm
| See also • PIN: The tail on the donkey • Times: Met suppress files that tell full shooting story • Render unto Caesar |
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Now you realise why train spotters need to be so carefully watched. Those orange lined anoraks and jumbo thermos flasks may have fooled you….taking pics of the downline 4-62 Diesel set with Runaway carriages …
Intimate knowledge of train timetables.. station layouts, toilet location, cycle racks. These errant files handed in are the one’s that have slipped through their harvesting network as they hoover their way through the rush hour trains.
OK , one slim file in a mountain of Metros is slim pickings but in the War on Terror …..
That man in the greasy pullover with dirty fingernails, stubby chewed pencil and handy little notebook with indecipherable numeric scribblings at the end of Platform six, is Public Enemy No 1… or maybe No 2 because we have just let No 1 out of prison.
If you see a train spotter ..call the Police. Don’t delay .. Life as we know it depends upon your prompt action …
Bang the bastard up for 42 days until he squeals. Show him what can be done with a tartan Thermos flask and a tight fitting Tupper ware sandwich box.
Ian Allen ? The sinister mastermind who has beeen soaking up State secrets for decades.
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