Enlightenment
I took the offspring to see Kung Fu Panda this afternoon. Once the very slow start is out of the way, it’s quite good.
As my mind wandered while it waited for the cinematic action to kick in, a moment of clarity came upon me and it was this: I may have a mundane life of few achievements but I have at least one thing to be proud of…
MY KIDS KNOW NOT TO BLOODY JABBER JABBER JABBER ALL THE WAY THROUGH THE SODDING FILM.
For that at least, my soul may be saved.
Why do people pay £4.80 to get their kid into see a film if said kid is only going to run about and talk bollocks at the top of its voice for THE WHOLE BASTARD 90 MINUTES? And if they’ve paid all that money, don’t they want to HEAR THE COCKING MOVIE THEMSELVES?
It reminded me of when we took a glass-bottomed boat tour in Greece last year. The crystal clear Mediterranean wherever you turned. Iridescent shoals of fish darted, flashed and glittered beneath. A family of corpulent Little Britainers across the gangway READ AIRPORT THRILLERS THE WHOLE NAFFING TIME. I don’t believe in physical punishment but sometimes people could do with a good clout.
Why not take an iPod to a pop concert? Or a comic to read in an art gallery? A packed lunch to Gordon Ramsay’s? Why not take a snooze on the London Eye? Take your portable DVD player to the Sistine Chapel. If you’re going to take your ill-disciplined, gobshite nippers to the pictures, then why not? They need a kick in the pants, the lot of them.
Posted on July 6th, 2008 at 7:05pm under Pooterism
This is why I find it difficult to go to the cinema. I sit there seething as the people behind me natter away and then the inevitable happens and they start to push their feet into the back of my seat. Cue enormous explosion of rage, me threatening do do things with their heads and their arses, the manager showing up, ME getting told to calm down and finally me exiting the cinema hurling abuse and threats to everyone around. Not very relaxing
Fortunately we’ve got a DLP projector, an 84″ screen and our own supply of choc ices in the freezer.
I only did it once when three teenagers kept kicking the backs of our seats and I lost my rag. The string of Anglo-Saxon I directed their way got thanks from others around us but I spent the rest of the film shitting bricks in case they decided to wait for me coming out.
Hum. I haven’t been to the cinema for about 5 years. I was considering going again (to see Kung Fu Panda and Mamma Mia – ok kill me now …) but I think you’ve persuaded me to wait for the DVDs …
kate’s latest blog post… Pics of me fud
“Why not take an iPod to a pop concert? Or a comic to read in an art gallery? A packed lunch to Gordon Ramsay’s? Why not take a snooze on the London Eye? Take your portable DVD player to the Sistine Chapel.”
Or your mother to a crack den…
I have read in the theatre before, but at least it was quiet.
BenSix’s latest blog post… Why Can’t We Just Do What We’re Told?
To be fair, reading a book in a gallery or listening to an iPod at a concert only diminishes the person doing so – they look like a nobber and miss an opportunity to experience a particular cultural event / space.
Kids yelling and running around a cinema, even when the film that is showing is something like Hulk, diminishes everyone present – they miss out on the full experience of the film and are filled with unpleasant misanthropy.
Andrew Bartlett’s latest blog post… In/credible
On a school trip (i.e. sometime back in the Dark Ages) to Moscow I spent an evening at The Bolshoi Ballet. After about 10 minutes, I surreptitiously removed a walkman from my bag and spent the next two and a half hours with my eyes closed listening to David Bowie.
In my defence, I wasn’t spoiling anyone else’s experience. But while I still don’t find ballet remotely interesting, I rather regret my behaviour.
Jim Bliss’s latest blog post… George Carlin 1937 – 2008