Time for some real intervention in the markets
Anyway, I think I have the answer. Today at noon, the Prime Minister should announce that this morning he sent teams of mobile car crushers into London’s Square Mile. Simultaneously, he should say, he dispatched Army artillery teams into the Home Counties broker belt.
If the FTSE share index is not up by 200 points at 1pm, he will promise, five upmarket cars will be chosen at random from underground car parks in the City and fed into the mobile car crushers. At the same time, the artillery teams will reduce five randomly chosen houses in the broker belt to rubble.
If the FTSE is not up by another 200 points by 2pm the process will begin again. And so forth. Across the world, presidents and prime ministers will make the same announcement to their own people. The townships of The Hamptons will ring to the sound of cannon fire. Cubed Lexuses will be stacked in the streets of Singapore.
The car crushers will continue to visibly prowl financial districts across the world, and the artillery flank the gated communities, for the foreseeable future as a continuing incentive for market optimism.
Anybody see a down side?
Posted on October 6th, 2008 at 10:56am under The coming apocalypse
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• 10 Comments |
Much as I love a good car-crushing or demolition, maybe having the cars and houses turned into flop-houses for the homeless would be better.
Having their much-wanked over possessions occupied like this would be even more demeaning for them. Oh, and it would help out the homeless too. Bonus.
Charles, there’s a homeless in our Range Rover!
Cubed Lexuses
Lexi, surely?
Or is it Lexii? I wrestled with it, I can tell you.
Now I’m not that kind of low mongrel who’d wish suffering on another; or maybe I am. You decide. Because I did notice that Mandelson is up for a ‘procedure’ for kidney stones. For one, I’m impressed by the speed with which he’s getting medical attention – it’s not normally a life threatening condition. But I think the main thing to bear in mind here is that kidney stones are mind-buggeringly painful. To the extent of making you puke every couple of minutes, even through the morphine. The official spokesman significantly understates the case when he refers to “some pain”.
This could be good news for the nation, in that when the renal colic is making you howl, you literally can’t think about anything else. Such as – I don’t know – implementing the recommendations of the banking lobby, wholesale, like.
I’m sceptical about kidney stones being the reason for Mandelson suffering severe stabbing pains in his lower back.
OK, I’ve worked out my intellectual position in full.
I am intensely relaxed about senior New Labour politicians experiencing appalling pain.
It’s all for the greater good, you see.
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“Simultaneously, he should say, he dispatched Army artillery teams into the Home Counties broker belt.”
Have to give them some time to get back into practise. According to my mate in the Artilley they’ve not had enough budget for practice firing in the last two years.
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