Simon Carr makes a fair point about us all now owning big slices of the banks:

[W]ho are the Government directors on these bank boards looking after? Legally they’re supposed to be looking after the company’s shareholders. So, shouldn’t they be insisting the bank uses every offshore method of avoiding tax? Or denouncing the Office of Fair Trading for attempting to extract refunds for £2bn worth of “unfair charges”? And demanding fast repossessions and overdraft cancellation and higher fees and high dividends to attract investors?

I’m the kind of financial wizard who’s paid probably thousands in bank charges over the years. If I continue to pursue my claim to get them back, am I only punishing myself? Shouldn’t I be demanding I pay back my overdraft? If we don’t make sure our company maximises its profits we’re actually breaking the law. We’re legally obliged to impoverish, evict, and tax-avoid.

So…

I’m gonna sit write down and write myself a letter [1].
And make believe it came from you [2].
I’m gonna write words oh so sweet [3].
They’re gonna knock me off my feet [4].
A lotta kisses on the bottom [5].
I’ll be glad I got ‘em [6].

(And then I’ll charge myself a few quid for the administration.)

[1] On headed notepaper, demanding immediate repayment of my overdraft.
[2] My fellow shareholders.
[3] You know that malevolent reasonableness?
[4] Particularly when I see the charges being levied.
[5] Oh yes, I’m going to have to smooch some serious arse. Pucker up, buttercup.
[6] Who doesn’t like being sucked up to?