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Immigration minister Phil Woolas’ cojones are so enormous they exert their own gravitational pull. Neither satire nor sense can escape them.

His balls must be huge or else why would he had the nerve to accuse the Office of National Statistics of ‘playing politics’ with immigration figures? How else would he have had the guts to accuse the releasing of information as ‘at best, naive or, at worst, sinister’.

I’ll say that again. A New Labour immigration minister is accusing someone else of playing politics with the issue of immigration. Woolas himself has never played politics with the issue, has he? Oh, no. Oh, no. Oh, no.

And New Labour ministers could never be accused of releasing information in a manner described as at best, naive or, at worst, sinister, can they? Dodgy dossiers, iffy knife-crime statistics, and useful leaks back that up, don’t they?

Is Woolas saying that it’s his job to play politics, be naive and sinister? That the ONS are on his manor and better scarper? Is that it? Jesus, what balls!