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Chancellor Alistair Darling will be forced to set out the full extent of Britain’s economic woes in his Budget.

He is expected to unveil soaring public borrowing and confirm the country is in its worst peacetime recession.

He is expected… Expected. Expected. Expected.

What this actually means is that ‘Alistair Darling will say… He has told us what’s in the Budget in an attempt at headline management but we feel compelled to play along in a pretence to the contrary and make you think that we’re actually hugely prescient mind-readers…’

What’s interesting is just what news outlets have been told to ‘expect’. Clearly the BBC are ‘expecting’ doom and gloom whereas the Guardian and Mirror are ‘expecting’ job creation and training. The Telegraph is ‘expecting’ both doom and gloom and a boost for housing – both half empty and half full there.

We can ‘expect’ ‘Greater Manchester and Leeds to become the country’s first City Regions‘. While announcing job creation Darling’s also ‘expected’ to announce job destruction. We can also ‘expect’ ‘a “cash for bangers” scheme rewarding motorists with £2000 for trading in old cars for new, fuel-efficient models.’ In fact, there’s so much diverse detail in all these expectations, one wonders why the Chancellor is bothering to give his speech full stop. He should treat himself to the afternoon off.

Of course, what you have to look for is what hasn’t been leaked to the newspapers. Chancellors traditionally save a surprise in the hope they’ll get a cheer at the end of the Budget speech. They also hide all the shitty stuff in the small print which comes out days later when everybody’s lost interest.

There’s a (very long) drinking game in there somewhere.

Update: Yay. There is a drinking game in there somewhere and Anton just invented it. Praise him!