The plot against Brown: you just can’t get the staff
One would think and hope that, in their attempt to overthrow Gordon Brown, Geoff Hoon and Patricia Hewitt acted alone and under their own initiative.
The alternative is too fantastical to contemplate. Imagine a darkened office in the Palace of Westminster where the Brownout plotters are gathered in the shadows. A hand reaches from the darkness for the telephone which is on the desk lit by an angle-poise lamp. Its silhouetted owner’s voice says into the mouthpiece: ‘This is a job for our top operatives. Get me Hoon and Hewitt’. Doesn’t work, does it?
The less said about Patricia Hewitt and her ‘would you like an ice cream, little boy?‘ demeanour the better. Geoff Hoon, should we forget, once suggested ‘that mothers of Iraqi children killed by cluster bombs would “one day” thank Britain for their use.’ Jacob Bronowski he most certainly is not. If these two were the finest minds the shadowy anti-Brown conspiracy has to offer, it’s well and truly knackered.
(See also the much used ‘Gordon Brown is the best man to lead this government’ line. Unfortunately, for a hollowed-out and intellectually bereft New Labour, he is.)
See also: ‘Who would rally to Geoff Hoon’s flag? Who would die in a ditch with Patricia Hewitt?‘
Unfortunately in these circumstances, silence is seen as treachery – ministers has to say something to avoid the appearance of complicity. What they should have done was get together and agree to pretend they’d heard nothing about the ‘plot’.
So when a journalist asked : ‘Minister, what do you think of Geoff Hoon and Patricia coup attempt?’ They could say: ‘Hoon? Hoon? Where do I know that name? Ah, yes. Didn’t he make the tea during the war?’ or ‘THEIR WHAT?’ and then walk away laughing uproariously and shaking their heads.
Posted on January 7th, 2010 at 10:31am under New Labour
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• 7 Comments |
Sadly, I *can* visualise a portly, stubbled silhouetted voice describing Hoon/Hewitt as his best operatives.
However, they’re also his worst operatives. The resulting Venn diagram should make the position clear.
I must admit, an on-the-record peal of derisive laughter would be marvellous in the right circumstances. As for Hewitt, in the movie she’d be played by Maureen Lipman channelling Joyce Grenfell: ‘Gordon, don’t do that’
PS: Good to have you back.
[...] Chicken Yoghurt: The plot against Brown: You just can’t get the staff [...]
As proof of the fundamental clownishness of Hoon:
Good job he never held an important post, such as Defence … Oh.
EPIC COUP FAIL!
And yet the coup has worked, Darling has been able to tell us about massive cuts, and Mandy has come out telling us Labour is safe in his hands.
The coup has worked well we have the Blairites in power with a brownite figure head with no power.
Yet the coup has worked, Darling was able to tell us about massive cuts, and Mandy has to tell us, the work is in safe hands.
The coup has been working well, we have the Blairites in power with a brownite figurehead with no power.