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So, the Prime Minister has made it his mission – his personal mission, mind you – to bring the 2018/2022 football World Cup to Britain. A legacy! A legacy! Thank God, at last a legacy for Gordon!

It’s clear then that the Prime Minister is the only figure powerful enough to secure the massive prize of being able pay over the odds to watch millionaires kick a ball. It’s a vital personal mission for Gordon Brown.

So, what other personal missions has he declared he’s embarking on since becoming Prime Minister almost two years ago? A personal mission to secure peace in Iraq and Afghanistan? A personal mission to force through the vital measures needed against climate change? A personal mission to make sure we have a more equitable society? A personal mission to secure the release of his heroine, Aung San Suu Kyi

Er, not so much, no…

Click image for the full effect

Still, it’s coming home, it’s coming, football’s coming home…

Update: Gordon’s taken the brave step of publishing an open Letter to Aung San Suu Kyi. No word of a personal mission yet.

Political opponents say nasty things about each other non-shock!

Other than to note that this was always going to happen if you give revolting specimens like Damian McBride and Derek Draper even a sniff of power, there’s not much else to say.

It has to be said though, watching a peddler of smears about people’s mental health with an unhealthy schoolboy prurient fixation with homosexuality such as Guido Fawkes take his ‘outrage’ at these emails on to the airwaves made the Easter chocolate rise in the gorge of even this hardened cynic.

If you really want more…

Tim Ireland: ‘Smeargate’ and paedo-smears
Tim Ireland: I’m sorry, but Paul Staines *is* homophobic
Flying Rodent: UK Politics – “Has It Really Come To This?” Edition
Hopi Sen: The Hypoocrisy… it Burns…
Francis Sedgemore: Why we hate politics (part 99)
Iain Dale: Please let me be part of this story. Go on, please. PLEEEEEEEEASE! Parts 1 – 100

Update: Iain Dale again…

This whole episode was manufactured by bored journalists wh had nothing better to write and love a bit of faux outrage.

Just a shame he’s saying it in defence of Shadow Chancellor George Osborne’s right to make jokes about Gordon Brown mental health in public. Stolen private emails about the mental health of Osborne’s wife, though? That’s a scandal.

There are some who fulminate against our elected representatives commenting on the trivial issues of the day, whether it be the death of Sinatra, the imprisonment of a soap opera character, feckless quad-biking rock stars, mucky phone calls to Andrew Sachs, the benefits of television talent shows, or John Sergeant’s decision to hang up his cummerbund.

(more…)

Like Boris Johnson and Downing Street, I too am ‘deeply disturbed’ that a picture of a murderer has been used to promote the 2012 Olympics.

I ask you, who the Hell thought it would be a good idea to include Tony Blair in there? The use of this image is in extremely poor taste and it should not have been used to promote London.

I’m with Anne Widdicombe when she says that it’s ‘extraordinary that if we’re trying to promote Britain, we should do so with an image of a mass child murderer’.

Oh, Sweet Jesus. Anybody else in need of a a hand transplant after watching the British ‘presentation’ in Beijing? I gnawed my fist clean off.

We really did outdo ourselves. What could be more British than a queue? That’s the message to send to the people you want to come to London and unload their wallets, no? Umbrellas? Yes, remind them it pisses down all the time, why don’t you?

What else? Ah, yes, the unerring eye for stereotypes. The singer successful only through the patronage of a cultural vandal. The multimillionaire footballer who plies his trade in America.

(And forgive me, but where were the extra-London stereotypes in this circus? According to the dangerously over-optimistic and self-deceiving Tessa Jowell the 2012 Olympics are for the ‘whole country‘, not just London. She was peddling this fiction as late as this week. Where were the morris dancers, the kilts and haggis, the sunburnt, knobbly-kneed holidaymaker in his vest and knotted hankie? I missed the Bacardi Breezered-up harridan ralphing into a gutter as well.)

What about the all-too-British over-enthusiastic amateurism as embodied by the Legz Akimbo-esque dance troop? It’s the quality we thought so charming when a gambolling New Labour introduced it in 1997. That was before they raised it to the terrible, twisted artform that left us neck-deep in the shit we find ourselves in today.

(Boris Johnson unable to control the flag while looking like he’d slept in his clothes was just the peanut in the poo.)

But the most, most, most British thing of all in the whole thing – by a long, long, long way – comes at the 3 minute 40 mark in the BBC video – a privileged child strolling to where they want to be across the bent backs of the people. Perfect. I had a tear in my eye.

(The ‘handover’ ‘party’ at Buckingham Palace sounds like it was a cracker as well.)

Read the headline to this.

So, then, this David Davis vs Kelvin MacKenzie/Miss Great Britain/John Smeaton/A.N. Other Tangential Diluter thing…

One has abhorrent views on homosexuality, abortion, the death penalty and spoke in favour of, and voted for, 28 days internment. One lives in Rupert Murdoch’s colon and has views too repellent and numerous to relate here. One is famous for punching a burning man. One is Miss Great Britain. One is running on a completely unrelated issue from 42 days internment.

Any way for them all to lose?

More here.

Gordon Brown has finally done something right: This morning he’s declined to appear on Victoria Derbyshire’s racist and psycho magnet on Five Live.

Is this a sign of a turnaround in the Prime Minister’s fortunes? Does his refusal to pander to the forces of anti-intellectualism mark the emergence of a more thoughtful and considerate leader?

Ken Livingstone on security at the 2012 Olympics:

When we get the 200 Olympic teams here with presidents and prime ministers we must be very firm that diplomatic protection must be provided by British police officers rather than goons you might bring in who might shoot a member of the public just for getting in the way.

From that can we assume that Sir Ian Blair and the squad who shot Jean Charles de Menezes are going to be given Summer 2012 off?

Nice to see former Olympic swimmer Duncan Goodhew breaking ranks from the other Olympian appeasers and speaking out against China:

It shows how extreme things can get in this country and it’s a great shame. It’s such a bad example for children.

Hang on. Sorry, he was talking about people in Britain who are against murder and torture. My mistake. He went on:

The Olympic Games is about inspiring young people, human excellence and fair play.

And just think – for two weeks this summer some very lucky Chinese people will get to see those values up close.

Here’s something I didn’t know:

The idea of carrying a lit torch from the Temple of Hera in Greece was invented by Hitler.

Indeed, the 1936 Berlin Olympics sounded like a lot of fun:

Although the bid was won before the Nazi Party gained power in Germany, some leaders in the government saw the Olympics as an opportunity to promote their Nazi ideology. Hitler was convinced by Joseph Goebbels to allow the games to take place in Germany. Preparation for the games started in the early 1930s. Hitler used the Olympics as a tool for propaganda.

The Olympics? Used as a tool for propaganda? Shocking. We should be only too glad that no other regime has followed such a disgusting precedent.

Meanwhile: Run, Konnie, Run!

You have to admit, it’s been a very dignified spectacle. A propaganda coup, no doubt.

All those plucky souls running with the Olympic torch today speak with one voice:

The controversial “message” to torchbearers was drawn up by Freud Communications, which represents the London Olympic organisers.

In an email seen by The Mail on Sunday, Freud Communications’ Pippa Rodger wrote: “As discussed, please find below the official statement that torchbearers can use should they receive any interview or media requests on the day.

For an added two degrees of separation bonus, the head of Freud Communications is Matthew Freud who is married to Elizabeth Murdoch whose father Rupert has considerable business interests in China. Nothing like keeping it in the family.

Meanwhile, the celebrity automatons run, only following orders. That well-known sportswoman Denise Van Outen is apparently doing it at the request of a famous soft-drinks company. Kneeling before the Chinese regime and Coca-Cola? Blimey, her soul is going to be in tatters by the end of the day. It’s a shame Fred West is dead as a man of his talents carrying the torch would have fitted right in with the ethos of Chinese political vales.

Gordon Brown is due to welcome the torch to 10 Downing Street. An odd concept to be sure, inviting an inanimate object to your home. It remains to be seen whether the rather more animated Dalai Lama will be afforded the same courtesy, or if Gordon decides to meet him on neutral and less politically honest territory.

As for me and mine, we won’t be watching a bunch of bread and circus artists trotting about in subservience to a gang of liars and killers. There are better things to do. Ooh look, it’s snowing! And is it wrong to feel conflicted about Charlton Heston being dead?

Two thoughts after reading this:

The Chinese government has defied international anger at its crackdown on Tibetan independence protests, accusing the Dalai Lama and his “splittist clique” of being out to destroy the Olympics and damage China’s international reputation.

a) You’ll never go broke appealing to the lowest common denominator. ‘Hey, you in the decadent West. The Dalai Lama wants to ruin your running and jumping about, the bastard,’ says China.

b) What international reputation? We know they’re bastards but we’re addicted to cheap tat. They could build a Death Star in high orbit if they like, we’re not going to rock the boat. It’s why we’re not seeing wider outrage. If it was Cuba doing this, people would be going ballistic.

From Wembley Stadium to the Scottish Parliament building – oh, and did I mention the Millennium Dome? – Britain has a miserable record at bringing in big infrastructure projects on time and on budget. The crucial difference with the Olympics is that they can’t be postponed which means they are even more likely to inflate in cost. When Wembley wasn’t ready, at least the FA Cup Final could be moved to Cardiff. The deadline for the Olympics is an iron one. You can’t tell the world that you’re a bit behind and would they kindly come back in 2013.

The Olympic contracts are not fixed-price contracts. Every landowner, developer, contractor and builder, from the corporate suits to the sparks installing the lighting has been handed a loaded revolver to put to the head of the government. Pay up – or the Games get it. Whatever figure anyone is giving you at the moment, the real cost is going to be even more stratospheric. £8bn? Do I hear £10bn? The man who designed the Montreal Olympic park reckons we will eventually be landed with a bill of not less than £15bn for an event to which only the very wealthy and the very well-connected will get a ticket.

read the rest…

Good news, everyone. If ever you decide to buy tickets for a World Cup match through an unofficial website with no visible credentials and then get totally shafted, you can be sure that cronyism and a politician desperate to improve his personal approval ratings will come to your rescue.

read the rest…

If I hear one more of the patronising, punchable, enormo-egos that constitute the British Olympic bid team say, “this isn’t just about London but the whole country,” I might very well go postal.

Unless the marathon runs past my front door here in Brighton, the Olympics coming to the UK will impact on my life not at all – apart from, of course, all the money that will swill away to pay for this smug back-slap. I’m sure if you live on a sink estate in Glasgow you must be jumping for joy right now. As you will be if you run any of the functionally redundant yet highly lucrative marketing consultancies or advertising agencies that swarm around London like mussels around a sewage outlet.

How this helps even Londoners I’m not quite sure unless any of them are desperate for a velodrome on the doorstep. “Oooh, think of the regeneration in Stratford in London’s East End,” squawk the feeble-minded. Well, I used to commute through Stratford every day of my life. It’s a toilet and no amount of lottery money is going to change that.

It’s not as if the proles are going to get anywhere near the best of the action. You’ll be allowed to watch all the gymnastics and synchronised swimming you like but forget about being able to watch the 100 metres final in the stadium. The corporate tickets have probably already been paid for. But the clock is ticking on how long it takes for the first person to say “these Olympics will be the people’s games”. Care to place a bet on who it’ll be?

“London. I don’t think I’ve heard a sweeter word in all my life,” Sports Minister Richard Caborn has just excreted on Radio 5. Christ, we’ve got seven years of this. “I was welling up,” said the odious Nicky Campbell with his usual sense of perspective. What a girl. Christ knows what would happen to him if he saw something genuinely moving like raped children in Darfur or a holocaust museum – he’d probably explode in a lachrymose shower of snot.

On the upside, maybe it’ll mean the Government won’t be able to afford to cluster-bomb anywhere else anytime soon.

Another silver lining will now be to watch the chaos as the mighty organisational skills of New Labour are brought to bear on bringing in a massively complicated and expensive enterprise on time and on budget. I’m hugging myself at the thought. It’s going to make cataloguing the population look like taking a provincial primary school’s register.