We are caught between the Scylla and Charybdis of climate change and peak oil. Once we pass the planetary oil production spike (when oil begins rapidly to deplete and demand outstrips supply), there will be less and less net energy available to humankind. Petroleum geologists reckon we will pass the world oil spike sometime between 2006 and 2010. It will take, argues peak-oil expert Richard Heinberg, a second world war effort if many of us are to come through this epoch. Not least because modern agribusiness puts hundreds of calories of fossil-fuel energy into the fields for each calorie of food energy produced.

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From Slinging Ink, on the naughty cartoon apocalypse:

We therefore call on free-thinking bloggers everywhere to post the images on their sites and, through sheer weight of numbers, defeat those who would deny us our right to freedom of expression. We also request the that the companies that host these blogs do not capitulate to this 21st century inquisition. In particular we expect the British government to respect the vote that was passed in the House of Commons not two days ago.

I’ll provide links to the cartoons but I’m not going to reproduce them here, for the same reason I don’t post Bernard Manning jokes: I think they’re shit.

Some of these cartoons barely pass as art let alone satire. Some of them, in my opinion, are making no other point than attempting to be deliberately inciteful. It’s a taste thing, I suppose. If they’d been clever and made me laugh I’d have posted them.

This whole thing is the equivalent of Little Johnny being given detention because he drew a knob on his pencil case (which is actually funnier than these cartoons). It’s childish, it’s puerile but the seas didn’t boil and the skies didn’t rain blood. The people who drew some these cartoons are arseholes but, in what we laughingly call our liberal society, we must defend their right to be arseholes. So scribble away lads, somebody, somewhere must find you funny.

And, whatever your faith, if it’s not up to withstanding a few rubbish drawings or a sweary opera, then your god clearly isn’t as great and powerful as you keep telling us he is. What exactly are you frightened of? Get a bloody grip, eh?

Oh, dear god. “Clinton backs Blair as UN chief.” This looks more like Clinton talking out of his backside rather than some kind of softening up exercise but was I the only one to feel a little bit sick at seeing the headline? I mean, what next? “Clinton backs Putin as Amnesty International chief”?

Now, I know the UN under Kofi Annan has its faults, not least in it’s failure under his stewardship to reform its approach to human rights and democratise the Security Council (or even take a step towards it). But is a man who bombs at the drop of a hat with or without UN sanction, the right man for the job? Or are we talking a “Nixon goes to China” moment where a man with manifestly so little respect for the UN, civil liberties and human rights can go there and shake things up?

If he got the job, would Blair bring a Respect Action Plan for the world with him? He’s already proved adept at evicting nuisance neighbours. Will a country found with nuclear ambitions late at night with no reasonable explanation DESERVE prosecution regardless of whether the UN can actually PROVE it is the result of wrongdoing?

In fact, the more you think about it, Blair’s respect agenda is actually his foreign policy brought home and applied on a local basis. The deserving/undeserving poor. Rights with responsibities. Do as I say or you’re going to catch it. Undermining innocent until proven guilty. The short sharp shock and awe. It’s all there.

Which has been terrifying enough on a regional level and looks as if it’s going to be something of a trial (metaphorical not literal, law and order fans) on a local level. Imagine the fun to be had if Blair’s vision were to bear fruit on a global stage. Will you be able to shop Sudan to The Sun? What if someone spits at Israel on her the way to the shops? Will Colombia be boarded up for three months?

Don’t go, I’m just getting warmed up…

So anyway. When I waddled in from the pub last night and turned on the television I thought I was hallucinating. I had, after all, one of my drinking companions had told me, been having a pint or few in the pub where Derren Brown relaxes when he’s in town.

George Galloway is on Celebrity Big Brother.

I don’t usually watch Big Brother, celebrity or otherwise, after realising that spending one’s life watching other people spending their lives doing nothing is probably not the best use of one’s time. But bloody hell, I couldn’t drag myself away from it last night. It was some of the most excruciating, morbidly fascinating, utterly compelling television I’ve ever seen.

The urge to change channel in squirming embarrassment while George sat glassy eyed listening to Michael Barrymore’s whining self-justification was almost irresistable. And the bit where George exchanged small talk with cross-dressing basketball player, Dennis Rodman, was pure comedy gold (”Are you still playing, Dennis?” and “I’m here to get our message out”). I liked the “our”.

The bit where he fumbled around trying to explain to Rodman that he was hoping to get across to people who wouldn’t necessarily have heard of him was priceless: “The kind of people who watch this show” or somesuch. He didn’t quite say proles or The Great Unwashed but you could see he was casting around for a non-derogatory term for people more interested in reality television than the travails of Gorgeous George.

Are the people who voted for him angry or relieved that he’s decided to take himself off the streets of their constituency for an extended period again, do you think?

All the housemates were seated around the kitchen table talking as I retired. The ever visually arresting Pete Burns from Dead or Alive was waxing lyrical about how he loved cities and wanted the world paved over. George was ready for bed by this point, his navy blue pyjamas buttoned all the way to the top, tight around his neck. “Big Brother” asked over the PA system that all housemates make sure their microphones were positioned correctly. Cue much shuffling and wriggling as microphones were adjusted.

Not from George though. He remained quite still, his microphone perfectly positioned in the lapel of his pristine, powder blue dressing gown.

Oh, his voice is going to be heard all right.

7/1/06: Gorgeous’ constituents are out of luck, it would seem.

Still, at least George took the time to salute Michael Barrymore’s indefatigability: “You’re a funny man, Michael, you’ll be back, and you’ll be back big.” Funny how? Funny ha ha or funny peculiar?

I always though what happened to Stuart Lubbock was a bit, well, funny.

The omens are coming more quickly. It won’t be long now…

Telegraph: Janet Jackson gets most internet exposure
The singer Janet Jackson, 39, was the most sought-after term on the internet search engine Google News - ahead of Hurricane Katrina and the tsunami.

Tony Blair, memorably, once said he was prepared to meet his maker to answer for his mistakes. Fair enough, you say. Unfortunately, it seems he wants to take us with him.

Sign the pledge and see if we can’t get the Government to bung our eggheads a few more quid and buy a few more vaccinations. Or at least get the Strepsils and Lemsips in.

“I will write to my MP to request that he demands the Government dramatically increase it’s funding and preparation to meet the threat raised by H5N1 Avian Influenza virus. but only if 10 other people will too.”

Needless to say, as it stands there’ll be enough vaccine for Blair and his family but almost certainly not for yours or mine. There are doubts however about whether there are enough current stocks of the vaccine to stretch to innoculating David Blunkett’s flock of birds.

Like MMR, I wonder if Tony will refuse to publicly state whether little Leo has had the vaccination. I doubt the Blairs will be umming and aahing too much over bird flu jabs. I mean, is there a homeopathic variety?

I think the government might have shot themselves in the foot with this one. Ok, there may be enough for our leaders and attendant hangers-on, but what about the bloke who puts toothpaste of the Prince of Wales’ toothbrush or the woman who applies Tony Blair’s panstick?

It’ll be like that planet in the Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy after they get rid of all their telephone cleaners and hairdressers. Britain will come to a careering halt. Imagine David Cameron trying to clean his own cludgie. Bleurgh.

A letter marked “restricted: commercial and market sensitive”, obtained by the Guardian, shows the government paid £184,812,087 to British Energy on March 1 for “spent fuel liabilities”. These liabilities are long standing reprocessing contracts with the state-owned British Nuclear Fuels, at Sellafield in Cumbria.

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Pledges made by Tony Blair to force housebuilders to improve the energy efficiency of homes to cut Britain’s greenhouse gas emissions are to be ditched, the Guardian has learned.

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1965 was an incredibly significant year for modern civilisation. Because, although this fact went largely unremarked for three decades, it was the year in which our rate of crude oil discovery stopped rising and began to fall. It was the year of peak discovery, and since 1965 we have been steadily finding less.

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Britain suffered the steepest fall in oil production of any country last year, according to a report yesterday that will fuel fears of an end of the era of North Sea oil revenues.

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Spending ranged from $18 per person in Africa, $45 in Asia, $112 in Central and Eastern Europe to $248 in the Middle East, $530 in Western Europe, and $1435 per person in the United States, SIPRI said.

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Independent: Outcry over creation of GM smallpox virus

Senior scientific advisers to the World Health Organisation (WHO) have recommended the creation of a genetically modified version of the smallpox virus to counter any threat of a bioterrorist attack.

As if we haven’t got enough stuff that could potentially kill us all. Aren’t global warming, global dimming, George Bush, megatsunamis, supervolcanoes, the decline of male fertility and all enough that we have to create another genie that could slip its bottle? Oh, look:

Four years ago, scientists in Australia genetically modified a mousepox virus and inadvertently created a highly virulent strain that could not be stopped by vaccination.

Shouldn’t we be trying to cure the old diseases before we start creating new ones? It’s not as if medical science hasn’t got some real challenges already. Did some scientists get together and say, “Cancer? AIDS? Bollocks. Let’s create a real show-stopper”?

Amnesty International: 61st session of the UN Commission on Human Rights - Amnesty International calls on Members to demonstrate unequivocal commitment to human rights

“Amnesty International takes the opportunity of today’s election of the officers of the Bureau of the 61st session of the Commission on Human Rights (the Commission) to urge governments to take careful account of the findings of the High Level Panel on Threats and Challenges about the Commission as they prepare for the upcoming session. Members of the Commission must act now to re-establish the credibility and professionalism of the Commission. Amnesty International calls upon Members of the Commission to end their use of double standards in dealing with human rights violations, to demonstrate a real commitment to human rights, and to enhance the human rights expertise of their delegations to the Commission.”

The cheek of these people. What next? Firefighters to be expected to extinguish fires? Yeah, right.

So, how depressing is this? The UN Commission on Human Rights is so mired is deal-making, back-scratching and bigotry that it has to be exhorted “to demonstrate unequivocal commitment to human rights”.

The writing was on the wall when Libya was elected the committee’s chairman.

“Indeed, the admirable outpouring of media and public compassion for the victims of Asia’s natural disaster makes the near-total indifference to the suffering of Iraqi civilians under Western attack even more stunning. Who would believe, looking at the images of devastation from Indonesia, Sri Lanka and Thailand, that Britain and the United States are responsible for bringing a comparable disaster to a single country, Iraq? While the US government has so far pledged $350m to the victims of the tsunami, and the UK government £50m, the US has spent $200 billion on the Iraq war and the UK £6bn.”

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