• Liberal Conspiracy » Drugs policy: Brown fiddles while…
  Read please.
• George Orwell, “Politics and the English Language,” 1946
  Have *you* read it lately?
• Twitter / pchallinor
  The mighty Challinor is twittering…
• Your groove for today is…
  Look at him go.
• A nose for Nazis
  Brendan O’Neill makes sense shock. He can do it when he tries.
• The Daily Mash - CANNABIS NOW WORSE THAN THE NAZIS
  ‘…a massive increase in the strength of the drug since politicians all stopped using it…’

• Labour: Tighter new rules for skilled foreign workers
  Yay, Labour relaunches itself with a bash-Johnny-Foreigner initiative. I love Britain.
• Labour: Tighter new rules for skilled foreign workers
  Immigration Minister Liam Byrne: ‘Our new points system means that British jobseekers get the first crack of the whip’. Really. That’s what he said.
• Britain is ‘becoming the abortion capital of the world’ claims Tory MP fighting to lower legal limit
  Nice to see Nadine Dorries using strong science in her argument and not cheap emotional incontinence. Hang on, reverse that…
• Iain Dale’s Diary: Move Along, Nothing to See…
  Never his strong point, words fail Iain Dale once more…
• Your groove for today is…
  ‘Nice men dancing on daft punk’s around the world’
• BAE Systems admits to ethical failings as investigations into corruption continue
  BAE “did not in the past pay sufficient attention to ethical standards” Of course they didn’t - They sell guns to bastards.
• Mark Steel: Has the real Gordon been replaced by a robot?
  ‘Oh no. It’s got to the point where you start pitying him.’
• Gordon Brown - The Impression of Listening at Beau Bo D’Or
  Just gorgeous
• Coalition for Choice
  Does what it says on the tin

• CCTV boom has failed to slash crime, say police
  Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha…
• Haven’t They Read ‘Politics And The English Language?’ Banned Cliche Number 1
  Referring to someone as Mr Micawber
• Haven’t They Read ‘Politics And The English Language?’ Banned Cliche Number 2
  The ‘whelk stall’
• Your groove for today…
• Business summit aims to fight poverty
  Ha ha ha ha ha. Oh God, I think I’m having a seizure. Gordon Brown is to appeal to Coca-Cola, Diageo, Microsoft and Vodafone’s better natures! Oh, god, the pain! Ha ha ha ha ha.
• Blood & Treasure: unanswered questions
• MP seeks to lower abortion limit
  Hands up anyone who’s had a ‘casual’ abortion. I’ve said it before - Nadine Dorries is a pro-abortion fifth columnist.
• Adam and Joe podcasts
  Marvellous

• Quaequam Blog! » Just how many spoilt ballot papers were there?
  What’s going on here then? Paging Greg Palast.

• Yorkshire Ranter: Donal Blaney: Hypocrite, Political Whore, and Torture Fan
  Alex Harrowell nails the blogosphere’s top libel lawyer…
• Mathar
  Your groove for today is…
  (tags: grooves)
• Mike Power’s Sunday PaperRound 04/05/2008

• Iain Dale’s Diary: Friday Afternoon Live Blog
  ‘Sky have London turnout at 45%. This is good for the Tories…” But absolutely bloody terrible for democracy. Still, once must have one’s priorities…
• abandonia - dedicated to abandoned computer and video games
  Holy heck. All the pocket money snafflers of my youth are here - Operation Wolf, Gauntlet, Sensible Soccer…!
• Bloggerheads (UK) - 10 great years in Britain
  Happy Anniversary, Mr Ireland
• Rachel North: Boris Johnson…
  Ouch.
• Richard Herring: Warming Up - Thursday 1st May 2008
  ‘I wanted to try and stop Boris Johnson getting in, even though somewhere inside me I have a sneaking desire to see how he would do at the job. But only for ten minutes - not four years. Even I think that it is possible to take a joke too far.’
• Twitter / Duncan Stephen: It’s terrible. He’s loathsome…
  A cracking gag…
• Mike Power’s Saturday PaperRound 03/05/2008
  I’ve got the Power
• Schrödinger’s Pig: An open letter to Labour MP’s from Labour voters
  Fantastic.

• The Taking Of Pelham One Two Three
  Your groove for today is…
• Blood & Treasure: the mot juste
  Gordon Brown: wanker
• Guy Fawkes: The Calculus of Political Pain and Pleasure
  I’m not sure what he’s driving at
• Matthew Norman’s Media Diary
• Noir C´est Noir
  Your groove for today is…
• davecole.org » Free Penguin Classics
  I got Evelyn Waugh’s Men At Arms. Is that good news?
• Bad Science » “Pixie Dust helps man grow new finger”
  Aw, bollocks. I so wanted this to be pukka.
• Prescott blames banks for housing boom
  Ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha ha. Oh, John, you are a caution. If you spread your cheeks don’t be surprised if you get rogered.

• Gordown Brown, Ten Percent Tax Rate and Poverty (and a U-Turn) at Beau Bo D’Or
  This is very good
• Guy Fawkes: Zimbabwe and Britain : Parallels (I)
  The parallels between Zimbabwe and Britain? I’m sorry but Guido is veering all over the place on this.
• Guy Fawkes: Steve Richards : “Voters Aren’t As Clever As Me”
  Not sure about this. Guido really should know his limits.

• Ministry of Truth » ‘The question is,’ said Humpty Dumpty…
  So, Gordon Brown’s skunk as ‘lethal’ as he claims? In short, no.
• British forces will continue to use cluster bombs, MoD says: The Guardian
  Because nothing says Liberation! quite like an unexploded bomblet
• BBC NEWS: Ronaldo in transvestite scandal
  Come on! Who amongst us can say this has never happened to them?
• British Secret Intelligence Service (SIS) Careers - Current Vacancies
  MI6 are recruiting…
• Gordon Brown vs Nicky Campbell
  Good grief, Nicky Cambell didn’t half give Gordon Brown a clout this morning. ‘It’s a pleasure,’ said Gordon. Liar.
• Ministry of Truth » With ‘is ‘ead tucked underneath ‘is arm…
  Oh dear, oh dear, oh dear. What a terrible bastard.
• Simon Jenkins: The only message being sent is of cowardice and stupidity
  ‘All turn a blind eye. They are soft on drugs.’

• He was the hub of the show, the urbane man surrounded by idiots
  Barry Cryer on Humph
• Humphrey Lyttleton remembered
  More Barry Cryer on Humph
• Channel 4 News: Madonna releases 11th album
  Is it only 11? It feels like so many, many, many more…
• Crooks and Liars » Craig Ferguson roasts President Bush
  I remember Craig Ferguson when he was Bing Hitler
• The Daily Mash - GWYNETH PALTROW’S MARRIAGE IS OVER SAY HER KNEES
  ‘…they they told her to steer clear of him ’cause he’s a donkey-faced bedwetter’
• Greed « Ten Percent
  ‘The class war is a cold one at present, not dealing with this will bring the heat.’
• PM encourages investment in Iraq
  If drinks and canapes with Gordon Brown doesn’t encourage people to pour billions into Basra I don’t know what will
• BBC NEWS: PM ‘to send message’ on cannabis
  And that message is ‘I know almost nothing about the issues surrounding the use of cannabis’

• The Guardian: Brown’s U-turn won’t be the end of the suffering
  Really? You amaze me.
• BBC NEWS: Menezes police ask for anonymity
  It’s only fair that we don’t know who these guys are. After all, they had absolutely no idea who Menezes was when they killed him.
• Mike Power’s Sunday PaperRound 27/04/2008
  Mike Power, swimming in filth so you don’t have to

• BBC NEWS: Retailers in tobacco price probe
  Blimey, who knew the supermarkets and tobacco companies were bastards?
• Mike Power’s Saturday PaperRound 26/04/2008
  More chunky goodness from Mr P
• James Murdoch attacks BBC iPlayer service - Telegraph
  Yes, yes. We’ll pay attention to you when your own operation ups its stinking standards you whining little princeling.
• Obituary: Humphrey Lyttelton
  So long, Humph. Mrs Trellis will be devastated.
• Humphrey Lyttelton: In his own words
• BBC NEWS: Gambling firms ‘fail to donate’
  Ha ha ha! Bookies! Ha ha ha! Voluntary agreement! Ha ha ha! Appeals to their consciences! Ha ha ha! I’m sorry, I’ll be with you in a minute. Ha ha ha…
• Ewan McGregor lands role in The Da Vinci Code prequel - Mirror.co.uk
  It’s a good call - he’s making an even shittier film to try and make us forget Phantom Menace.
• Marina Hyde: Who couldn’t pity our poor, useless, chiselling bankers?
• ‘The Foreign Secretary comments on meeting between the Dalai Lama representatives and Chinese officials ‘
  Most of the time Miliband really is little more than a blogger. And not a very good one.
• Paint Ball
  Holy crap, this is moreish.
• Antikewl Daily / Lightspeed Champion perform Star Wars theme
  How great is this?
• Squirrel wars: reds, greys and blacks battle for supremacy - Times Online
  I want to script this movie.
• The Daily Mash - YOUR ASTROLOGICAL WEEK AHEAD
  ‘Inspiration will strike you at the strangest time today. Don’t forget to wipe your arse!’

• New Labour unveil theme music for next party conference
• And this is New Labour’s general election theme…
• Gordon Brown and Alistair Darling’s performance at a meeting of the Parliamentary Labour Party fails to impress
• Channel 4 News - Judges quash Saudi probe decision
• The Guardian: Afghan MPs may ban jeans and makeup
  To beat the Taliban they must be the Taliban
• Liberal Conspiracy » Now we need a defeat on 42 days
• Guardian: 10p concession will only benefit one in four losers, thinktank claims
  Some concession.
• Channel 4 News: Snipes gets three years
  I take it the judge will be getting some kind of award for services to culture?
• Channel 4 News - Wealth and health link highlighted
  Wow. What next? A link between eating and pooing?
• Channel 4 News: Raising the dead
  A day out for all the family
• DEL TORO TO DIRECT ‘HOBBIT’
  Hooray!
• I. R.: Unfortunate and Regrettable
• SoB confuses S and B
  “His name is so close to Osama, I have a feeling he might be Islamic therefore he doesn’t recognize Christ”
• BBC NEWS: US Senate honours Burma’s Suu Kyi
  Yay for medals! What would our consciences do without them?
• Die Hard Willis to take F1 role?
  Damn, I would have loved to have been at the meeting where they pitched this to Bruce. Let’s hope there’s gunplay, smirks and grubby vests…
• Iain Dale’s Diary: Why Won’t the LibDems Fight the BNP Properly?
  Here’s a thought: why don’t you bloody ask them? You might find that your smear is surplus to requirements.

• Warren Ellis » Food Doom
  Oh God. The day when we finally have to embrace denial and the bliss that is ignorance is so very, very close now.
• BBC NEWS: Brown denies being ‘pushed about’
  Watch the interview. Is it me or does the Prime Minister look like he’s melting?
• Gordon Brown on Pop Thingy
  You know, he do better if only he’d get a decent haircut, a suit that fitted and got someone else to do his tie for him.
• Quaequam Blog! » The 10p rate “compromise” stinks to me
  Great stuff from James Graham - he nails why the ‘compromise’ is bobbins and why Labour backbenchers are a cheap date.
• The Daily Mash - LABOUR U-TURN ON PUNCHING POOR PEOPLE IN THE FACE
  ‘The chancellor has told colleagues he is now longing for the sweet release of death’
• Crooks and Liars » “Message Force Multipliers”
  ‘Which sounds so much cooler than sneaky old guys’…
• Tony Blair’s new portrait
  I can’t be certain but isn’t the artist who painted this the same guy who painted this? http://is.gd/8yo
• BBC NEWS: Thinking outside the box
  This is a bit more like it. I’m having one like an X-Wing Fighter, I reckon
• Rachel from north London: Spot the fake smile
  I got 12 out of 20
• Supermarkets ’should spy on migrants’ - Telegraph
  If you see a creepy, cock-eyed idea, you can be pretty sure that Hazel Blears is lurking somewhere nearby

• bristling badger: animal instincts, gut reaction
  Merrick makes a very persuasive case for Veganism. I love the part about Carl Lewis.
• Twitter Twerp Scanner
  Block those pesky Twitter spammers
• The Fabulous Life Of John McCain
  Take a second job or skip a holiday says millionaire
• Petition…
  …to make emergency contraception available from pharmacists on demand, in advance and to people other than the user
• Elvis’s secret UK visit revealed
  I want to know the terrible secret behind Tommy Steele’s silence.
• Bloggerheads: OGC offers fresh logo chuckles
  There just isn’t enough self-appreciation in logo design
• BBC NEWS: Priest missing on balloon flight
  There are precedents: http://is.gd/82F and http://is.gd/82z
• Warren Ellis » Ah, There’s That Grim Meathook Future People Were Missing
  Food shortages in America
• Jack Straw as caretaker PM
  If this prospect doesn’t frighten rebel MPs back into the fold then nothing will
• Mike Power: In Spite of Ourselves
  Managed this at the first attempt: Badly Drawn Boy’s It Came From The Ground ain’t there
• Prince William of Wales to be a Royal Knight Companion of the Most Noble Order of the Garter
  Thank God for that - I was starting to worry that the poor sod was being overlooked in life
• Al-Qaeda accuses Iran of 9/11 lie
  Can’t we just lock al-Zawahiri and Ahmadinejad in a room and let them have at it?
• Happy St George’s Day
  Here’s one for the patriots and flag flyers
• The Daily Mash - CARLA BRUNI TO BE THE NEW FACE OF GINSTERS
• Mark Steel: Sorry, but Prezza’s bulimia is just a trifling matter
• Look, right across the board, eleven, eleven, eleven and…
  Just noticed the BBC iPlayer volume control goes all the way up to eleven
• BBC NEWS: Betting firm breached new ad rule
  You mean it’s not true? I thought losers who chuck their money away were catnip to the ladies.
• The First Post: Blair red-faced after ride on gravy train
  Tony Blair - rich but still cheap
• Kevin Maguire: Pay Chickens Come Home To Roost
  Do as I say, not do as I do. AGAIN.
• The Independent: Tough-talking Clinton vows to ‘obliterate’ Iran if it ever dares to attack US ally Israel
  ‘Look at the size of my dick, Mahmoud!’, cried Hillary
• Los Angeles Times: Penalty for crossing an Al Qaeda boss? A nasty memo
  Hang on. Al Qaeda? *Retirement* packages?

• Gordon Brown ‘in talks’ with Shakira
  What fresh lunacy is this?
• Crooks and Liars » Rice Calls Sadr a “Coward”; Echoes Bush’s “Bring’em On”
  Way to go, Condi.
• Empire: Movie News - Dark Knight Trailer Debuts In Two Weeks
  Bloody hell. They even trail the trailers these days.
• The Curmudgeon: Deserving Poverty
• Watchdog attacks ‘astonishing’ £5bn rise in cost of 2012 Games
  Hands up if you’re astonished
• Warren Ellis » Fuck Rickrolling
  YES!
• Steve Bell on the government’s £50bn bank bail-out
• The shocking picture that shows how a wind farm has disfigured one of Britain’s loveliest landscapes
  These before and after pictures are taken from different angles aren’t they? Anyway, wind turbines look brilliant.

• Baltic Amber Colour Schemes
  A nice little toy for the WordPress bloggers
• tygerland.net : this blog is boring. fact
  Save the tygerland one
• HELP SAVE XP Petition
  Yes, do.
• Sun headliner writers are scum
  Oh yes, they are
• Matthew Norman’s Media Diary

• Prescott: my secret battle with bulimia
  …or Prescott: my not-so secret battle with book sales
• Sunday PaperRound 20/04/2008
  Mike Power digests and cogitates once more
• The Daily Mash - YOUR ASTROLOGICAL WEEK AHEAD
• The Observer: British dealers supply arms to Iran
  Oh, come on! If we didn’t do it, somebody else would.

• The Bugle
  Ooh, I was previously unaware of this. Oliver and Zaltzman are ace.
• True colours… will the E number critics ever be eating their words?
  My Save The Battenberg call to arms makes The Yorkshire Post.
• Collings and Herrin Podcast
  Episode 9 out now.
• Saturday PaperRound 19/04/2008
  The estimable Mike Power risks his sanity so you don’t have to.
• Simon Carr: Things can get quite exciting in Parliament, but you wouldn’t know it most of the time
  ‘How come major Bills leave the House with whole swathes of them unexamined and undebated?’

• Mirrorball - Elbow
  This is really rather lovely.
• Signup - UKNova
  UKNova’s open to new members again…
• Guardian: Cut-price sale of Ritz was ‘elaborate con’
  Shills, ropers and marks - the Big Con is back.
• Veteran MP Gwyneth Dunwoody dies at 77
  I wonder which soulless, ball-less placeman automaton they’ll choose to replace her. Change is good, right?
• abortion industry - Google News
  Today I am mostly looking at the vile scum who refer to abortion as an ‘industry’.
• Reuters cameraman ‘killed by Israeli tank’
  Imagine being the bloke who invented ‘flechettes’.
• Newspapers’ BNP ad revenue to go to community charities
  PLEASE let them give it to an immigrant outreach programme.

• Battle at Kruger
  I’m sure this is a metaphor for something
• The new chip that will let an iPod store 500,000 songs - Times Online
  Why in the name of God’s Holy Trousers would you want 500,000 songs on an iPod?
• Daniel Davies: Next stop Euston. This manifesto terminates here
  The Euston Manifesto two years on
• Mark Steel: Sorry, Gordon, but you aren’t a game-show host
  And the director’s said “Look mate, just say ‘Then why not call Elephant.co. uk?’ and we can all go home.”
• Tim Robbins at the The National Association of Broadcasters
• World: 2007 Death Penalty statistics, notes and case studies
• Somewhere, deep inside, the 14 year-old me shivers…
• Home sales slump ‘will shut down 4,000 estate agents’
  Always a silver lining…
• Crooks and Liars » Gonzo Can’t Find A Job
  A little justice in a cold, hard world:
• The Guardian: Tough New York welfare scheme for UK
  ‘A tough American welfare programme, which links payments to performance by low paid workers, is to be introduced in Britain.’ I take it this is a pilot scheme that will eventually be rolled out to Britain’s boardrooms as well?
• BBC NEWS: Bombing at funeral in north Iraq
  No, really, Iraq *is* safe. Jacqui Smith said it is so it is.
• Bloggerheads - How dare you tell me what to do?!
  Whither now for Tim Ireland?
• Rachel from north London: Nick Kollerstrom, mainstay of the ‘truth movement’ is a holocaust denier
• icWales: Peter Hain fury at ‘dirty tricks vendetta’
  Guido Fawkes - useful idiot?

If, like me, you worked in an office a few years back, you probably got the email that did the rounds back then full of the Deep Thoughts by Jack Handey. Maybe they’re still doing the rounds even now. I wouldn’t know - I don’t work in an office any more having given it all up to hunt vampires.

Anyway. I googled Handey the other day for want of something better to do and Wikipedia has a list of the columns he wrote for the New Yorker. Enjoy. This is No Game is ace.

This clever little educational tool is a bit good. Learn to identify and remember Orion, Jupiter, the Big Dipper, Polaris and more in the night sky and all in about 15 minutes. And you’ll be able to navigate your way home from the pub on a dark winter’s eve.

(Via Rachel)

He’s got a point…

(via)